Last night, I fell asleep finally at 1 AM. I hadn’t had much sleep all week and I was happy to have finally hit the sack.

But then... maybe an hour or two later, I woke up to this scratching sound in my room. I was so tired that I just reached over and banged on the floor to make it go away. But it wouldn't. I put music on so I couldn't hear it and fell asleep again. I knew it was a damn mouse.

Then at 4 it woke me again. This time much closer to my bed. Then I realized the dirty thing was on my dresser!!! But I couldn't see it among the vitamin bottles, the Wal-Mart receipts, and the rest of the flotsam and jetsam of the frantic ocean known as my life. So, I wearily reached over and tried slamming a drawer, the one where I stash my winter gloves and hats, to make the beast flee.

The clawing and nibbling hesitated… then continued.

Finally I realized that it must be under the small bookshelf, crafted by jigsaw and screwdriver 20 years ago, sitting on top of my dresser. A bit of space beneath provided a perfect mouse hideout.

Slightly more awake then, I remembered that there were three mouse traps in a package stashed in a kitchen cabinet, the ones I bought for the Mouse Mobile when January deep froze the world and the mice took refuge in my car’s heating system. Four of the infiltrators died then.

Unbelievably, in route to the kitchen, I heard scratching, then scurrying! More pests afoot!

“I DECLARE WAR ON THEE, RODENTS! YE SHALL NOT LIVE TO SEE DAWN’S ARRIVAL!”

I deftly deployed two traps at either end of the kitchen counter and strategically stationed the third atop the dresser, abutting the rear of the bookshelf. Taking cover in bed, I waited.

Less than two minutes later I heard "WHACK!" out in the kitchen.

“YES!”

10 minutes later.... "WHACK!" on the dresser!

"Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"

And another bit the dust while I slept the sleep of the victorious.

Final Score:    Sam – 3    Vermin – 0!