Heron Flight<\/A>)<\/p>\nTuesday, 5:22 PM<\/p>\n
I pull into the driveway and get out of the car.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey! Dad\u2019s home!\u201d<\/p>\n
Hey, guys! What\u2019s up? Ready for football practice, little guy? Hey, Pete! Hey, Tim! I see you guys got the dirt bikes out today.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, we\u2019re gonna ride down the road to the farm.\u201d<\/p>\n
Okay. Just keep an eye out for cops. You don\u2019t want them to catch you riding on the road. Never know when they\u2019ll be around. Joel, I\u2019ll be out in a minute. I have a migraine. So, I\u2019m going to drop you guys off at practice, then come home and sleep. I\u2019ll pick you up at 8.<\/p>\n
5:27 PM<\/p>\n
In my own room. Can\u2019t wait to get back here and get in bed.<\/p>\n
What did I get in the mail today? Some health insurance mumbo jumbo\u2026 junk mail\u2026 Netflix movie. Sweet! \u201cCoffee and Cigarettes\u201d came today. Can\u2019t wait to watch this. Wish my head didn\u2019t hurt so bad. I\u2019d watch it tonight. What else came? What\u2019s this? Oh, it\u2019s my art magazine. I wonder why it\u2019s wrapped in plastic. Oh, there\u2019s another magazine with it. Wonder what that is. I\u2019ll open it after I drop the boys off at the field.<\/p>\n
5:52 PM<\/p>\n
You guys have fun! I\u2019ll be back for you at 8. I gotta lie down. I feel like a zombie.<\/p>\n
5:58 PM<\/p>\n
Finally! Back in my own room. Now to get undressed and hit the sack.<\/p>\n
This issue of the art magazine is devoted to New York City graffiti art. That\u2019s cool. Let\u2019s open it up and see what this other magazine that they sent is.<\/p>\n
Looks like some kind of comic book. \u201cThe Lost Ones\u201d Is that dude a vampire? I guess being a vampire is back in vogue. I never heard of the guy that wrote this. I wonder why they sent it. There\u2019s no note with it. There\u2019s nothing in the art magazine explaining it. Oh well, at least I got a free comic book.<\/p>\n
Nice thick paper. Good artwork. I\u2019ll have to read this when I feel better.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s this on page 4? What\u2019s this dusty powder stuff ?<\/p>\n
Oh hell! I automatically wiped it without thinking! I don\u2019t even know what it is! What if it\u2019s some crazy shit that some psycho put in there? Oh crap! I got it on my finger! I got it on my finger! Shit! Now it\u2019s on my pants! Damn it! Oh hell! I got it on the wall!<\/p>\n
And suddenly I\u2019m having a flashback to 1969, six years old, and my mom is catching me wiping boogers on the bedroom wall.<\/p>\n
\u201cSammy! That\u2019s disgusting! Use a tissue!\u201d<\/p>\n
But, Mom! It\u2019s ANTHRAX! A tissue is snot going to save me now! Aaaarrrrggghhhh! Some \u201ccomic\u201d book! Ha ha. Jokes on me. \u201cSurprise! A little Powdered Bubonic Plague for ya! (\u201cBoob\u201d being the key word.) We thought you\u2019d enjoy it!\u201d I fail to see the comedy in that!<\/p>\n
Okay. Calm down. It\u2019s probably nothing. But just set it aside on top of the TV just in case. And go wash your hands.<\/p>\n
10 minutes later\u2026<\/p>\n
Hey, Sarah\u2026 Do you think this is weird? I got this comic book in the mail and there\u2019s this white, dusty, powdery stuff inside.<\/p>\n
\u201cYOU DIDN\u2019T TOUCH IT, DID YOU??!!\u201d<\/p>\n
Well\u2026 Uh\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cDADDY!!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? YOU DON\u2019T KNOW WHAT IT IS!\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s just the point! My brain hurts too much to think today. I\u2019m sorry. I didn\u2019t mean to. I just did. Like a reflex.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should call somebody\u2026 like the Poison Control people or something.\u201d<\/p>\n
You really think?<\/p>\n
\u201cYES! DO IT NOW!!\u201d<\/p>\n
6:10 PM<\/p>\n
Phonebook in hand\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cHello, Poison Control Center.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yes, Hi. I\u2019m calling because I got a comic book in the mail and there\u2019s some kind of white powder inside on one of the pages. I\u2019m not sure what it is.<\/p>\n
\u201cDid you touch it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Uh\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, you shouldn\u2019t have touched it. Can you describe it to me?\u201d<\/p>\n
Yes\u2026 white\u2026 but not pure white\u2026 kind of dusty\u2026 kind of chalky\u2026 about a three inch area\u2026 only on this one page\u2026 came sealed in plastic\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, what you need to do is call your local police. That is how these situations are handled.\u201d<\/p>\n
The police? I have to call the police out here? What if it turns out to be just dust or chalk or something? I\u2019m going to feel like an idiot.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s routine, sir. It\u2019s better to be safe than sorry. Just keep the magazine where it is. Don\u2019t let anyone else go near it. And don\u2019t touch it.\u201d (Probably wanting to add, \u201cIdiot.\u201d)<\/p>\n
6:13 PM<\/p>\n
Phonebook still in hand\u2026<\/p>\n
Just great. There is no local phone number listed for our township police. It just says 911 here. Now I have to call 911 like it\u2019s a big emergency here. Crap.<\/p>\n
\u201c911! Where\u2019s your emergency?\u201d<\/p>\n
Er\u2026 I don\u2019t really have an emergency. I\u2019m trying to get in touch with my local police and there is no other number than 911 listed for them in the phonebook.<\/p>\n
Yes, sir. We dispatch for them. What\u2019s going on?<\/p>\n
Repeat the story\u2026 I don\u2019t know, it might be nothing. But the Poison Control guy said to contact the police.<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, did you touch it?\u201d<\/p>\n
Crap.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay. Sit tight. An officer will be there shortly.\u201d<\/p>\n
6:26 PM<\/p>\n
A squad car pulls into my driveway.<\/p>\n
Hesitantly, \u201cUh\u2026 You Mr. Snyder?\u201d<\/p>\n
Yes, I touched it.<\/p>\n
\u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n
Nothing.<\/p>\n
From 10 feet away, \u201cIf you don\u2019t mind, sir, I don\u2019t want to get any closer than this. Just as a precaution. You understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
Yeah. Heh heh. No problem. Don\u2019t worry. The wind is not blowing in your direction. Ha ha.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I know. I already checked.\u201d<\/p>\n
What am I? A leper? He checked the wind direction before he approached me? Well, this is getting awkward.<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, can you give me your date of birth? Is there anyone else in the house?\u201d<\/p>\n
Yes, my daughter. She\u2019s upstairs.<\/p>\n
\u201cHas she been exposed to the substance in question?\u201d<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, SHE didn\u2019t touch it?\u201d<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay. Please tell her to remain upstairs until we are sure the area is safe. I\u2019m going to call in some help on this\u2026 guys who know how to handle such situations. It\u2019s going to be a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thank-you, officer.<\/p>\n
Crap. The boys are at practice. What if this ordeal isn\u2019t over by then? What if they want to quarantine me and everything I\u2019ve touched after touching IT? How many things have I touched? This. That. This. That. That again. Geez! Does everybody touch this many things in such a short period of time? Do I have an abnormally high touching rate? That\u2019s probably why I touched the stuff in the first place! I\u2019m a hyper-toucher!<\/p>\n
Hello, Dave? It\u2019s Sam. I have a\u2026 uh\u2026 sort of \u201csituation\u201d here at home. Could you pick up the boys at 8:00 if I need you to?<\/p>\n
Tim? You guys better not ride the dirt bikes back here. There\u2019s a cop here because there was this powder stuff in a magazine\u2026 uh\u2026 yeah, I touched it. I know. I know. I\u2019ll call you when it\u2019s all over and you can ride the bikes back.<\/p>\n
6:50 PM<\/p>\n
Another police car, unmarked black SUVs, county health department response vehicle, and more parked all along the road\u2026 the neighbors watching\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cHello, Mr. Snyder. I\u2019m from the county health department. I\u2019m not afraid of getting contaminated. So, I don\u2019t mind standing close to you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bless you, Father Theresa, for showing me kindness in this New Calcutta of Northwest Jersey. Long have I been in exile and forgotten the touch of human kindness.<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, I am almost positive that the substance you have described is harmless. But we will take a look at it. What we do is we put on full-body protective gear, respirators, gloves and we go in there and put the object into a special bag and seal it. Then we bring it outside and, if we have the proper testing materials with us, we test it right here and let you know. But I need to call this friend of mine who works with a Federal agency. He\u2019s an expert and he has a better testing kit. When he gets here, we will take a look at it. So, sit tight. It\u2019s going to be a while.\u201d<\/p>\n
7:10 PM<\/p>\n
The Township emergency squad arrives on the scene.<\/p>\n
\u201cOfficer! You are out of your mind! You called us out here for some F***ing powder in an F***ing magazine???!! You wasted our time for THIS??\u201d<\/p>\n
Man, that chick is really hot! No, definitely not \u201ccute hot.\u201d She is pissed! This is turning into quite a show! I\u2019ll just lean here on Sarah\u2019s car and watch the action. I might as well play the part of the freak at the circus that everyone pays a quarter to get in and see. \u2018Step right up, folks! See the Mutant Man! 9 fingers on each hand due to exposure to radioactive dust!\u2019<\/p>\n
\u201cOfficer, as a county health official, I don\u2019t feel there is a need to keep the squad here. You can let them go.\u201d<\/p>\n
Thank God. She can take her fat dirty looks and her squad truck and get on out of here!<\/p>\n
7:23 PM<\/p>\n
An old guy struggling up the road on a bicycle and turning into the driveway to talk to me after seeing all the vehicles\u2026<\/p>\n
Man, the cop is going to yell at this guy! I can see it coming. Should I warn him? No, I\u2019m bored.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey, buddy what\u2019s going\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYOU! GET OUTTA THERE! GET OUTTA THERE!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBut I just want to talk to this fellow here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNO! GET OUTTA THERE! YOU CAN\u2019T TALK TO HIM!\u201d<\/p>\n
Right, instant death carrier here. One word from me and you catch it!<\/p>\n
\u201cGET OUT NOW! WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY GOING ON HERE!\u201d<\/p>\n
Ha! If so, then why did you send the fat girl away? Emergency! No one but me has even seen the so-called noxious powder! I could be making this whole thing up out of a need for attention! Emergency my left ankle! It\u2019s been over an hour since I first called about this! Oh! I can\u2019t breathe! Oh! My face is swelling! My spleen is quivering!<\/p>\n
Give me a break.<\/p>\n
7:30 PM<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, Mr. Snyder. I talked to my friend with the Feds. He says it\u2019s\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Anthrax? Heroin? Spores from the deadly Bora Bora Fungus??<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026 cornstarch.\u201d<\/p>\n
Cornstarch? Are you serious? Cornstarch?<\/p>\n
\u201cYes. Let\u2019s go inside and have a look.\u201d<\/p>\n
What? No suit? No gloves? No mask? No cape?<\/p>\n
7:35 PM<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, I\u2019m almost completely positive this is nothing to worry about. But do you mind if we take it back to our lab just to be sure? Have you read it yet?\u201d<\/p>\n
No, I didn\u2019t read it yet! Wouldn\u2019t that be like reading the label on a bomb before it falls on your head?<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you have a bag or something I can put it in?\u201d<\/p>\n
What happened to the special bag with the airtight seal?<\/p>\n
Uh\u2026 there\u2019s a Wal-Mart bag here.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh! THAT\u2019s perfect! Thanks! We\u2019ll be in touch soon! Bye.\u201d<\/p>\n
7:45 PM<\/p>\n
Everyone is back home. The crickets are singing once again.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, dad, bet you feel dumb! Cornstarch!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHa! We were waiting down the road all this time just because you found some \u2018deadly\u2019 powder! Ha! You need to wipe some of that on your butt to stop sweating!\u201d<\/p>\n
I know. I know. Whatever. What would you have done? Besides, it was Sarah\u2019s idea to call someone.<\/p>\n
Then, from her upstairs window\u2026<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, Daddy, it IS a good thing you called. That was one DIRTY magazine! Ha!\u201d<\/p>\n
Yes, there’s always a comic in the house… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight) Tuesday, 5:22 PM I pull into the driveway and get out of the car. \u201cHey! Dad\u2019s home!\u201d Hey, guys! What\u2019s up? Ready for football practice, little guy? Hey, Pete! Hey, Tim! I see you guys got the dirt bikes out today. \u201cYeah, we\u2019re gonna ride down the road […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[47,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7197","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-heron-flight","category-stories"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7197","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7197"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7197\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7198,"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7197\/revisions\/7198"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7197"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7197"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bloggingsam.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7197"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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