"Our truest response to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such response do we find truth."

      -Madeleine L'Engle

April 26, 2006

This morning on NPR, a news report said that 13% of American workers are late at least one day per week. 25% are late at least once per month. Most of them lie as to the reasons for their tardiness.

I heard this at 8:55 AM, five minutes before I was due at work.

I was still 20 minutes away.

Late again.

One day in mid-April

click me

April 18, 2006

THE ELEVENTH COMMANDMENT:

"Thou shalt not cook and write a paper for school simultaneously, lest thou forget to set thine timer and scorch thine steak."

JAMMED!

I'd say this guy was a little taller than 12 Feet 3 Inches!

The name of the trucking company on the side of the trailer was "Swift". I'd say, "Not so swift!"

Since I moved here a year ago (almost), there have been several trucks that got stuck under this bridge, which is maybe 50 yards from my house. If the bridge was a mouse trap, it would have a pretty decent capture rate!

April 13, 2006

"NO MORE DAMN BIRTHDAYS! YOU'RE MAKING ME AN OLD MAN!!!"

My oldest son turned 22 yesterday. More pictures HERE.

April 12, 2006

"Postcard from New Jersey"

April 10, 2006

My oldest daughter, now 19, got her first modeling job this weekend! (Yeah, she's beautiful like her dad! Smart like me too!) She had photos done by a modeling agency last fall. She finally got a call last week to interview for a modeling spot at a show near Philadelphia. She was chosen to have her hair colored and cut by a top hair stylist. These are the kind of people that charge $500 or more to do your hair. Well... probably not your hair. They charge people like Jennifer Aniston and Leondardo Di Caprio and Don King those kind of prices. (Yeah, I think Don King pays good money for that notorious doo!)

Sarah interviewed on Saturday evening. They loved her! She had to go back on Sunday for "prep" day. Today is the big day. She has to model her hair in front of crowds of people, walk down the runway and the whole modeling gig. Despite the fact that she had to drive almost two hours to get there three days in a row, got lost coming home the first night, and smashed her cell phone on the ground while trying to swat away a bee... she was so excited to be part of such an event. And I am just proud as shit! I wish I could have been there. I probably could have gotten a spot in the show! You know... with my great hair and all...

I suppose it's safer for all concerned that I am confined in my cube in the office today.

April 4, 2006

My 10 and 12-year-old daughters are visiting for the week. They are on spring break. Boy, those schools in Georgia! Spring barely starts and "WHAM!" they are on spring break! It's not like New Jersey. Time drags on and on when you are in school here. Then, when Easter break finally arrives, they tell you the break is shortened because you have to make up for using a snow day or two. Well, that's the way it used to be. With global warming and all, we are beginning to forget what snow is in New Jersey. I mean, we were on the beach, where children walked on the jetties in bare feet, on January 30, for crying out loud! Pretty soon we'll have to close our schools to take a break in the beginning of April because it's going to be as hot as August!

As I was saying, my girls are here. In the car, after leaving the airport, after a three hour flight delay, one of the girls had the idea of starting a story in which the four of us in the car contributed by adding a word in turn. The story got weird and crude. Yes, the childhood amusement that comes from bodily functions!

Alright... so it still amuses me too! Here is our weird little story. I'm sure I will be innundated with emails from publishers eager to print this in hardbound!

THE LADYBUG, THE DADDY, AND URANUS
Once upon a time, a ladybug crawled and peed yellow pee. So, as we wiped his urine, Daddy laughed, and cried, and pooped. Uranus was shining overhead. BM slipped, smelled, plopped, and squished on Daddy's toes. The ladybug flew into Daddy's body because his butt was very exposed.

Uranus visited the Earth.

THE END

April 3, 2006

Don't you dare arrive one minute sooner! We will charge you full day time price if you do!

What? You think $3.30 was a random number? No, owls are smart. And we had algebra in high school. You figure the 6% New Jersey sales tax and you're gonna see it comes out to an even $3.50, man!

(Okay, Mr. Wise Owl, it comes to $3.498! If you got 8/10 of a penny, we'll take it! If not, SHUT UP AND GIVE US $3.50!)

Now, go on and get out of here! It's almost 8:30! At 8:31 our NITE VAMPIRE rates start. Then we really suck it out of you!

And by the way... NO WIPING! None of any sort! We are not going to wipe you! You are not going to wipe us! You are not even going to wipe yourself!

Owl's don't wipe, do they?