Rand-O-Blog (A Blog of Sorts)
October 30, 2005
SISTER SLAMMY
So... My band (which still does not have a name) played for a big Halloween party on Friday night. There were 80 people there! There were several very interesting and funny costumes. One man was a giant whoopee cushion. One couple was Captain America and Super Woman. They looked fantastic! Several girls were police officers, arresting the attention of all the guys with their tiny skirts and non-stop dancing.
As for the band, our bass player, Dan, was Elvis. Our guitarist, Landon, was a priest. And I, the sick drummer, was a nun. As we had no official name, we called ourselves "The Church of Elvis" for the evening. This was our first gig together. We pretty well "wow-ed" the crowd. The three of us could tell that we have something good going here. Our next show is on November 11. We need a real name by then!
I wish I had pictures of everyone else at the party. For now, I only have photos of myself. Imagine, I walked into Dunkin Donuts for a coffee before going to the party. A little 10-year-old girl didn't know how to react, except for laughing when I said, "Bless you, my child," as she held the door for me. And the kid at the Burger King drive-up actually left the window to bring someone else to see my custome. So, here I am, make-up, nail polish, etc. The fake lashes only lasted a few songs into our show before I ripped them off. Half way through the party the whole costume came off. I finished the night wearing Mr. Bubble boxers and a t-shirt. I'm sure the people prayed for mercy at the sight of that!
October 18, 2005
FASHION SHOW #8
Well... all good things must come to an end...
Here's the final photo in the fashion show. Going out in a big way.
Striking a moose pose.
(No animals were injured in the filming of the last two photos... except for that woman in the gift shop who yelled at me for playing with the moose hats. She got what she deserved. Ingrate.)
October 17, 2005
FASHION SHOW #7
Sammy Crockett? Samuel Boone?
This photo was taken on a fur trading expedition in Montreal.
Okay. I was only goofing off in a touristy souvenir shop.
(Don't miss the last photo tomorrow, Rocky!)
October 16, 2005
FASHION SHOW #6
"I" would never dress this way. But my twin brother, Sven, would. He's European. Doesn't he appear to have something rather French going on? He's a stylish guy. But I would never dress like this.
(Getting back to nature in photo #7 tomorrow.)
October 15, 2005
FASHION SHOW #5
On the street, I’m known as Puff Sammy. That’s right. I’m a pimp.
But I’m in good company! Check out these photos of the ultimate pimp, he who is the epitome of that to which we lesser pimps aspire, he whose pimpdom is broad and far-reaching:
PHOTO 1
PHOTO 2
But is he really a pimp or a ho??
I suppose we are all pimps and hos, depending on how you look at it.
Want to party on my yacht with me and my posse?
(You biatches get yo booties back here tomorrow for photo #6! My twin brotha, Sven, will be posing for this one.)
* * * * *
PULL THROUGH
I was quietly reading a book in my car in the grocery store parking lot this afternoon. I was waiting for my son. The sky was finally clear after a week of rain and the air was rather warm for a mid-October day.
I was startled by the voice of a woman as she walked by: “You moved the car?”
“Yep!” her husband replied.
“Why did you do that?”
With a tinge of pride on his voice the man said, “I had a chance for a pull through.”
“A what?” I thought. Then it clicked in my mind. The parking lot consisted of double rows of parking spaces. A “pull through” is when you can “pull” straight “through” both spots rather than needing to back out of a spot.
“How typically American!” I then thought. We are so addicted to convenience that we will drive our vehicles round and round a parking lot looking for the closest possible spot. A typical parking lot only stretches fifty yards or so from a store’s entrance. We will drive up and down the lanes of the lot until we find one of the first five spots open. The seventh spot could be free. But that is not convenient enough for us. So, round and round we go, cursing and spewing exhaust into the already polluted air. How much healthier it is to park in a farther spot, turn our cars off sooner and get a small dose of much needed exercise.
The pull through was a new one for me. Picture it. This guy must have been sitting in his car, waiting for his wife, when he saw two spots open. So, he started his car, pulled through the spots, and parked where he now only needed to pull out, thinking that he just saved himself so much trouble. But then he needed to leave his car and find his wife. She wouldn’t know where to find him in his newly found spot of convenience. I guess he then got the best of both worlds, exercise and convenience, plus a boost to his ego due to such a display of efficiency.
“Wow! You had a chance for a pull through?”
“Yep! So I moved it!”
They pulled out. I pulled through. Just another day in America.
October 14, 2005
FASHION SHOW #4
Purple Velvet Cowboy
Yeeha!
(Y'all come 'round tomorrow for picture #5!)
October 13, 2005
FASHION SHOW #3
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, there lived a princess. He was a cute princess and liked to try on ladies' clothing... but only the hats.
Well, the tiaras too... sometimes.
(Just wait. It gets better! Photo #4 tomorrow!)
October 12, 2005
FASHION SHOW #2
I kind of look like the guitarist in U2 in this shot.
What is his name?
Slash?
No... wrong band,
wrong hat
.
The Edge! That's
him!
("I still haven't found (w)HAT I'm looking for...")
(Tune in tomorrow for pose #3!)
October 11, 2005
FASHION SHOW #1
I get bored in stores sometimes, especially in ladies' fashion accessory stores. With three daughters, it is nearly impossible to avoid being hauled into one or two of these shops in the malls. Thankfully, God created digital cameras. Rather than an incident of stoic masculine endurance, a visit to one of these shops becomes an amusing opportunity of artistic expression, a chance for a guy, even a dad, to make a fashion statement.
So, for your amusement, dear amusement-craving reader, I will post fashion photos over the eight several days. Please enjoy a laugh or two at my expense. But please... try not to assume too much about my character, motives, sexual preference, masculinity or lack thereof, from the pictures you will see.
Then again... we are talking about a guy posing in public...
"Howdy!"
(Tune in tomorrow for photo #2!)
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