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I found this at a park recently. It was lying on top of the garbage
can. It is dated June 1, 2006.
Now I am curious. Was this fellow able to work things out? Why are there arrows by #4 and #5 on the "Can Do" list?
Why is he "trying" to be honest? Why is that a struggle? Did he previously fail at being faithful?
And what's up with Katie? What's with the "sudden anger?" Is she really that authoritative? Why is she attacking him and dishonoring him in front of the
children? What kind of surveillance? Cameras? Phone tapping? Web cams in the house? Is she really this much of a bitch? Or has she been hurt because
he didn't try hard enough at being honest and faithful in the past?
I wonder if he thought of the quote on page two himself or if his therapist said it. I wonder if he and Katie took it to heart and gave it their best effort?
I wonder where they are now and if he threw this page away after two years because things were resolved or because things were beyond repair and he finally canned it.
September 13, 2008
Big football day for us! The flag team had to play 3 games today!
Here's 15 seconds worth:
September 12, 2008
There's been a bear sighting!
People wrote after reading yesterday's post about bear droppings below. (Yes, bears, like everyone else, drop from below.)
Writers asked why I had no pictures of the bear itself, even though I had pictures of its excrement! The explanation of which is truly a
fecal matter.
All dung jokes aside, readers may now relieve themselves, or rather be relieved that the bear has been sighted and captured through the marvel of
modern technology, the digital camera. Here he is:
Beary frightening! Wouldn't you say?
And audacious! I caught him red-handed doo-ing it again!
I said, "Bring it on, yo!" and got my furry face all up in his bear-ded mug.
"That's right! You better run, Boo Boo!"
September 11, 2008
Does a bear sh*t in the woods?
The answer is...
No! He sh*ts in Sam Snyder's back yard!
Those are not M&Ms! They are berries! (And you thought for a second that
the picture looks appetizing! No, really. It's okay to admit it.)
I think the bear pooed in my yard out of spite because he can't get into my garbage can
anymore.
That's right, ladies and gents, BUNGEE CORDS! A man's second best friend, just behind duct tape. There are scratch marks
on the top of the can. That sucker was trying to get in! But I am smarter than the average bear! (Although, one may wonder
about the intelligence of someone who posts pictures of bear crap on their website.)
September 10, 2008
Here's a fun little thing. The website MoreCowbell.jd lets you upload any mp3 and add
cowbell along with Christopher Walken's voice (but I couldn't get it to work) from the legendary "More Cowbell" skit from Saturday Night Live. Here is a song from my old band
that I uploaded today (because that was more fun than working).
She reached New Jersey this weekend and dumped a lot of rain on us.
But the next day was sunny and pleasant. Thanks to Hannah.
September 6, 2008
"Dunged"
Yesterday on a sunny afternoon...
Driving down a country road...
"Hey, Tim, did you see that? It looked like a purse in the middle of the road."
"Really?"
Slamming the car in reverse and backing up to check it out...
"Yeah, it is a purse. Cool! Maybe I don't need to go to the ATM for cash after all!"
Stepping out of the car...
"Watch it be full of shit! There are probably kids hiding in the corn over there watching."
"Damn... it's heavy. I wonder what's in it."
Squeezing the bottom of the purse...
"It's squishy and warm!"
"Open it!"
"OH MAN! THERE IS SHIT IN IT! SOMEBODY GOT ME GOOD!"
Driving away laughing and wondering...
"Somebody is probably watching from one of those houses and laughing right now!"
In the rearview mirror... a kid runs out from the corn and moves the purse back to the middle of the lane.
Jamming on the breaks...
"What are you doing??"
"I'm going back! That little fucker got me!"
"What are you going to do??"
One moment later... jumping from the car...
"OK, YOU PECKERHEADS!! WHERE ARE YA! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE... AH HA! I SEE YOU! YOU GOT ME, MAN! YOU GOT ME!
I'M USUALLY THE GUY PLAYING TRICKS ON OTHER PEOPLE! BUT YOU GOT ME THIS TIME!"
A kid comes out of the corn... his face beaming...
"Did ya open it?? Did ya look inside?? THERE'S COW SHIT IN THERE!"
"I peeked inside. Now I can't wait to get home and wash my hands!"
Tim is out of the car now...
"Ha! That's great! I can tell you guys have seen The Mighty Ducks!"
"Yeah! Yesterday, we filled an old suitcase full of cow shit and left it by the road. Some guy stopped and threw it
in the back of his truck without looking in it and left! Ha! Bet he was surprised when he got home!"
"Man, this is hilarious! I feel like hiding in the corn with you guys and watching all the other dumb people stop!"
A second kid emerges from the corn...
"Dude, just so you know... you REALLY made our day!"
From the corn comes a camera crew and Aston Kutcher...
"Sammy, you've been DUNGED!"
September 5, 2008
Real men sew...
... with DUCT TAPE! Oh yeah!
SOMEBODY's got to sew the kid's name on the back of his jersey. It might as well be me
who bloodies their fingers.
I used a needle and thread in addition to the tape. Taping is definitely much easier than trying to get that
thread through that tiny needle eye. (I was informed by one of the ladies at work that "embroidery" needles were the
wrong ones and is probably part of the reason it took me 2 hours just to sew half of it last night.)
I thought about leaving the tape on his shirt. That would convey a "real man" attitude when
he's on the field. "Whoa... watch out for #44! That kid's messing with duct tape already!"
"Yeah, but I hear his granddaddy is a SEWER!" (Wait... that word looks like something else. Ew.)
September 4, 2008
"Washingtoon"
* * * * *
First Day of Kindergarten
September 3, 2008
"Manager Monkeys"
I was getting coffee from the shop in our office the other day. I saw this label and laughed... because "Rain Forest Nut"
brings to mind a crazy man in the Amazon jungles, complete with ragged shorts, leathery skin, and bushy beard with a plentitude of
tiny creatures nesting in it. At least, that's what "Rain Forest Nut" brings to MY mind.
Just after I took this picture, a group of managers walked into the shop.
"Oh my god! Look! They have Rain Forest Nut today!"
"Yessss!"
"Finally!"
They were bouncing with excitement, like mindless rain forest monkeys.
The other coffee choice that day was "Harvard Blend." The monkeys turned away with disdain.
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