Rand-O-Blog (A Blog of Sorts)
April 27, 2003
Dear Faithful Reader,
I regret to inform you that last night's laser show absolutely SUCKED!
Hard to believe that the spoof on economics below holds more promise of reality than my former anticipation
of the laser show does. But alas, it is so! At first, I speculated that my preference for economics
over rock-n-roll and laser enduced psychedelia was a sure sign that I had indeed crossed that line and had become
officially OLD. They say that the memory is the first thing to go. But no! It is the COOLNESS that one loses! Long
before a man forgets where he placed his keys when they are still in his hand or loses control over his bowels,
his control over his own coolness slips from his grip. He trades his Mad Magazines
in for the Wall Street Journal. No longer does he find his heroes on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. Instead, his
icons and gurus cast their spell over his feeble mind from the cover of Fortune Magazine.
However, upon further inspection I was relieved of the notion of having achieved oldness. Even my fifteen-year-old son concurred with the
suckiness of the show. And my cousin was almost out of control due
to the laser assault. Yes! I think she was ready to vomit from the motion of the stars and laser designs flying across the ceiling, not to
mention the corniness of the announcer during the show. She taunted me to get up front and do the moonwalk. She raised her arms and
sang "coo-coo-ca-choo" along with the Beatles. She clapped out of rhythm with the Beach Boys, messing up the entire audience, all 14 of us.
Okay. In fairness, I admit that the moonwalk idea was my own. I had my arms up too. Yes, I did the out-of-synch "Little Deuce Coop" clap too.
But I had an excuse. I was under the influence of fiorinal, my migraine medicine. Yes, I was "Comfortably Numb," waiting for the Pink Floyd show.
Even without the lasers the room was spinning for me.
In days long ago, people used to drop acid or smoke pot when they listened to Pink Floyd. And now... Perhaps the issue in all of this is that I have crossed
that line and am now old. I dropped migraine medicine in order to listen to Floyd! Fiorinal. Truth be told, fiorinal is just a "turbo" caffiene pill.
It's loaded with caffiene and just wires me out when I have to use it. "Fiorinal." Sounds quite poetically related to "urinal." I think it is an intentional
relation because when you have a migraine you really don't feel well enough to care if you're pissed on, pissed off or just plain pissed.
The only thing worse than a migraine is a migraine accompanied by a Raritan Valley laser show.
Now back to the psychodelia of finishing my economics paper...
Posted at 12:45 PM (EST)
April 26, 2003
I spruced up my "LINKS" page a little. I added a few online journals that I
read now and then.
Going to the PLANETARIUM at Raritan
Valley Community College tonight with the kids and Cousin AP. After the star show there is a Pink Floyd "The Wall"
laser show. So we can get all spacey and then listen to the Floyd! Far out, man!
I have a paper to write for economics, due Monday. It ain't even close to being done! It's the sheer excitement of
it all! I mean inflation, GDP, durable goods, the Board of Governors of the Fed, my close friend, Alan Greenspan. I am
just sooooo excited that I hardly know where to begin! When I don't get it done on time, that will be my excuse. I was
simply too elated and inflated with the emotion of it all that it became more of a metaphysical, cosmic kind of experience
that I did not want to ruin by trying to contain it with words on paper. The statistics and graphs and charts were soooo beyond
mortal words, enducing a state of magnifescent euphoria that even chemical stimulants would be unable to achieve! I am sure that
the Pink Floyd laser show will turn out to be a gigantic let down after the heights I have attained in my quest for karmic oneness
with Wall Street this afternoon.
Posted at 2:10 PM (EST)
April 25, 2003
Here are a few responses to the "What is It?" from April 21. (See below and take a guess.)
Our first contestant...
It's "a golf ball with eyes."
Contestant number two...
"Well imagination time.....
It looks like two stones, figures wading in the water, then, walking away, the ripple effect of the second picture gives the sense of water moving as they move.
But that's imagination.
In reality it's an ink blot...."
In reality you are wrong! Imagine that!
"Tell them what they've won, Johnny!"
"Well, Sam, they didn't win the cruise to the Bahamas. They didn't win the deluxe washer/dryer/microwave three-in-one appliance. But they did
win, to the envy of all their friends, a big ol' bag of nuttin!"
"Thanks for playing! Tune in tomorrow boys and girls for an all new episode of 'Squeal of Torture!'"
"Wait! I'd like to buy a bowel! I mean a vowel!"
Posted at 12:15 PM (EST)
April 23, 2003
You're not going to believe this. I asked a girl out and she turned me down. I told you you wouldn't
believe it! It wasn't intended to be a big romantic candle light dinner kind of date. I asked her to go to MOMA to see the
Matisse/Picasso exhibit with me. You know, kind of a cultural, artsy kind of thing to do. But she wiggled her way out of it by
mumbling something about being afraid to go into New York because of terrorism and stuff. "It was very nice of you to ask though."
"Sure. I understand."
I understand now that a guy's dating success rate rises or falls in direct proportion to a woman's perceived comfort in regard to world peace.
(Please take a moment and pray now for world peace. I beg you!)
I was relating this incident to a FRIEND of mine in the UK who is a wonderful
artist and loves Matisse. Here is her reaction to me getting "dissed."
I am absolutely stunned that anyone could turn down the chance of a date at Matisse/Picasso WITH YOU.
She has no taste!
And my response:
Now this email made me smile! That's right! She has
no taste! It's one thing to neglect Matisse. It's
another thing to reject Picasso. But it's a crime
against all things artistic (autistic?) to turn down Sam
I'll be seeing her later in the day. I think I will
give her my best Picasso. You know, shift my nose
just below my left eye, distort my mouth, move my
right eye onto my chin, and cut off an ear. That will
get her! Then she will wish she had said yes!
Yes, I am still going to see the exhibit. I already had tickets to go with my cousin and my kids before
I asked the girl who does not appreciate fine art. Her loss.
Would I ask her out again? Sure! I thrive on that rejection stuff! It builds character! I'm living proof! I'm
quite a character. (And besides that, I really kind of like her.)
But enough of this saga. Go on about your normal lives people. Nothing more to see here. Be well and pray for world peace!
Posted at 11:00 AM (EST)
April 21, 2003
WHAT IS IT???
Can you guess what these pictures are? Send me an email with your guess.
Get it right and you will win your very own, one of a kind, fancy-dancy, suitable for framing email response from me! Ooooo! I can see the
excitement and anticipation in your eyes already!
Come on! Don't be shy! Step right up and guess away!
Posted at 4:30 PM (EST)
April 18, 2003
Time for another installment of search results.
Lately, a lot of people have been searching for "rainy day pictures" and finding my
Rainy Day Pictures. I figure these must be the really depressed people in our society. Also,
I've had a lot of people searching for the lyrics to "Black Water" by the Doobie Brothers. (See "Don't Lose that Number".)
Is there some sort of Doobie revival going on or something? I've had several visitors of late who have
looked through the complete set of The Daily Chia pictures.
These are the really bored people in our society.
One thing that certain people in our society search for a lot is "dirty pictures." There are variations to this:
"dirty photos," "dirty picture gallery," "dirty thumbnails," and even "dirty frog pictures." Hmmm. I would love to see the eagerness draining from
their faces when the images on My Dirty Pictures begin to load! What a
"dirty" rat I am! What a "dirty" sense of humor! (Yes, this photo gallery is safe for viewers of all ages. It's purpose is only to
annoy the "dirty" among the visitors.)
Now for a list of some funny, strange, and otherwise interesting search criteria.
Posted at 2:20 PM (EST)
April 11, 2003
Going to see THIS band tonight! Yeah, it's an Irish thing.
You know, we Irish were the ones who invented rock-n-roll. Yup! What do you think the Blarney Stone is all about?
Yeah, it's a rock-n-roll thing!
In other news...
I've been down with a nasty, snotty cold for about 10 days now. Nothing but hacking and gagging and sputtering. (Sorry, no
New Jersey has turned into a big snowy, rainy, unfriendly kind of place for the last few weeks. So I haven't gotten any
bike riding in lately. Hey, did you hear about my big bike accident? Too bad we don't have video footage of this one! Classic!
I so gracefully launched myself right over the ol' handle bars. No, that's not an Irish thing! This comes from the minority of
Polish genes that run in the family. I think they've leached upon my nervous system and sucked the coordination right out of me.
But here's the good thing. I was going uphill when I fell. (Only Polacks fall uphill!) There is an advantage to falling uphill.
The road meets you half way! That's a good thing once you are over 25 like me. **cough** I won't tell you exactly what caused the crash.
Let me just say... Don't take your shirt off and tie it to your handle bars. Trust me. Just don't do it.
Okay. That's it for now. Blog ya later.
Posted at 4:00 PM (EST)
April 6, 2003
Traffic ticket while rushing to airport: $44
Supplies from Staples to "play school": $26
The opportunity to act like nuts at Perkins: PRICELESS!
See pics below.
Posted at 10:35 PM (EST)
April 4, 2003
There are those of the human species whose mission in life is to annoy, irritate, peeve, irk and provoke. Indeed, their singular function in this world is to give linguists a reason to include such words as splinter, boil, burr, and brush-burn in our English dictionaries.
Or so one may often be tempted to believe.
Posted at 7:55 PM (EST)
April 3, 2003
Give me codeine or give me death!
Isnít it something how one can become so fond of narcotics when they canít breath, ache all over, cough like they have emphysema, and just basically feel like crap?
I was convinced to go to a doctor today when a female co-worker took one look at me and exclaimed, "Oh my God!! What happened to you?? You look awful!!" Now, Iíve gotten that reaction from a few women over the years. And several others never really vocalized it. But I could see what they were thinking in their eyes. Yet, I think this co-worker was genuinely concerned about my health and not just simply repulsed by my looks.
What does the doctor say?
Pretty much nothing that I didnít already know! For the most part he just echoed everything I told him. He basically agreed that I look and feel like I got hit by a rather large vehicle, charged me $15, and sent me off to the pharmacy... with a prescription for narcotics!
"Dude! Thanks for hookiní me up, man!"
Posted at 8:55 PM (EST)
April 2, 2003
Posted at 10:15 AM (EST)
April 1, 2003
Does the word "DO" mean "EAT" in some language? Cause this kid definitely ain't "DOin'" it!
(Photo taken in Brooklyn, May 2002)
Posted at 3:05 PM (EST)
FLASHBACK - July 2000
(Only 4 more days until H & M arrive!)
Posted at 1:55 PM (EST)