April 27, 2003

Dear Faithful Reader,

I regret to inform you that last night's laser show absolutely SUCKED!

Hard to believe that the spoof on economics below holds more promise of reality than my former anticipation of the laser show does. But alas, it is so! At first, I speculated that my preference for economics over rock-n-roll and laser enduced psychedelia was a sure sign that I had indeed crossed that line and had become officially OLD. They say that the memory is the first thing to go. But no! It is the COOLNESS that one loses! Long before a man forgets where he placed his keys when they are still in his hand or loses control over his bowels, his control over his own coolness slips from his grip. He trades his Mad Magazines in for the Wall Street Journal. No longer does he find his heroes on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. Instead, his icons and gurus cast their spell over his feeble mind from the cover of Fortune Magazine.

However, upon further inspection I was relieved of the notion of having achieved oldness. Even my fifteen-year-old son concurred with the suckiness of the show. And my cousin was almost out of control due to the laser assault. Yes! I think she was ready to vomit from the motion of the stars and laser designs flying across the ceiling, not to mention the corniness of the announcer during the show. She taunted me to get up front and do the moonwalk. She raised her arms and sang "coo-coo-ca-choo" along with the Beatles. She clapped out of rhythm with the Beach Boys, messing up the entire audience, all 14 of us.

Okay. In fairness, I admit that the moonwalk idea was my own. I had my arms up too. Yes, I did the out-of-synch "Little Deuce Coop" clap too. But I had an excuse. I was under the influence of fiorinal, my migraine medicine. Yes, I was "Comfortably Numb," waiting for the Pink Floyd show. Even without the lasers the room was spinning for me.

In days long ago, people used to drop acid or smoke pot when they listened to Pink Floyd. And now... Perhaps the issue in all of this is that I have crossed that line and am now old. I dropped migraine medicine in order to listen to Floyd! Fiorinal. Truth be told, fiorinal is just a "turbo" caffiene pill. It's loaded with caffiene and just wires me out when I have to use it. "Fiorinal." Sounds quite poetically related to "urinal." I think it is an intentional relation because when you have a migraine you really don't feel well enough to care if you're pissed on, pissed off or just plain pissed.

The only thing worse than a migraine is a migraine accompanied by a Raritan Valley laser show.

Now back to the psychodelia of finishing my economics paper...

Posted at 12:45 PM (EST)

April 26, 2003

I spruced up my "LINKS" page a little. I added a few online journals that I read now and then.

Going to the PLANETARIUM at Raritan Valley Community College tonight with the kids and Cousin AP. After the star show there is a Pink Floyd "The Wall" laser show. So we can get all spacey and then listen to the Floyd! Far out, man!

I have a paper to write for economics, due Monday. It ain't even close to being done! It's the sheer excitement of it all! I mean inflation, GDP, durable goods, the Board of Governors of the Fed, my close friend, Alan Greenspan. I am just sooooo excited that I hardly know where to begin! When I don't get it done on time, that will be my excuse. I was simply too elated and inflated with the emotion of it all that it became more of a metaphysical, cosmic kind of experience that I did not want to ruin by trying to contain it with words on paper. The statistics and graphs and charts were soooo beyond mortal words, enducing a state of magnifescent euphoria that even chemical stimulants would be unable to achieve! I am sure that the Pink Floyd laser show will turn out to be a gigantic let down after the heights I have attained in my quest for karmic oneness with Wall Street this afternoon.

Posted at 2:10 PM (EST)

April 25, 2003

Here are a few responses to the "What is It?" from April 21. (See below and take a guess.)

Our first contestant...

It's "a golf ball with eyes."

"Wait! I'd like to buy a bowel! I mean a vowel!"

Posted at 12:15 PM (EST)

April 23, 2003

You're not going to believe this. I asked a girl out and she turned me down. I told you you wouldn't believe it! It wasn't intended to be a big romantic candle light dinner kind of date. I asked her to go to MOMA to see the Matisse/Picasso exhibit with me. You know, kind of a cultural, artsy kind of thing to do. But she wiggled her way out of it by mumbling something about being afraid to go into New York because of terrorism and stuff. "It was very nice of you to ask though."

"Sure. I understand."

I understand now that a guy's dating success rate rises or falls in direct proportion to a woman's perceived comfort in regard to world peace.

(Please take a moment and pray now for world peace. I beg you!)

I was relating this incident to a FRIEND of mine in the UK who is a wonderful artist and loves Matisse. Here is her reaction to me getting "dissed."

"Sam,

I am absolutely stunned that anyone could turn down the chance of a date at Matisse/Picasso WITH YOU.

She has no taste!

J."

And my response:

"J,

Now this email made me smile! That's right! She has no taste! It's one thing to neglect Matisse. It's another thing to reject Picasso. But it's a crime against all things artistic (autistic?) to turn down Sam Snyder!

I'll be seeing her later in the day. I think I will give her my best Picasso. You know, shift my nose just below my left eye, distort my mouth, move my right eye onto my chin, and cut off an ear. That will get her! Then she will wish she had said yes!

Yours,
Sam"

Yes, I am still going to see the exhibit. I already had tickets to go with my cousin and my kids before I asked the girl who does not appreciate fine art. Her loss.

Would I ask her out again? Sure! I thrive on that rejection stuff! It builds character! I'm living proof! I'm quite a character. (And besides that, I really kind of like her.)

But enough of this saga. Go on about your normal lives people. Nothing more to see here. Be well and pray for world peace!

Posted at 11:00 AM (EST)

April 21, 2003

WHAT IS IT???

Can you guess what these pictures are? Send me an email with your guess.

Get it right and you will win your very own, one of a kind, fancy-dancy, suitable for framing email response from me! Ooooo! I can see the excitement and anticipation in your eyes already!

Come on! Don't be shy! Step right up and guess away!

Posted at 4:30 PM (EST)

April 18, 2003

Time for another installment of search results.

Lately, a lot of people have been searching for "rainy day pictures" and finding my Rainy Day Pictures. I figure these must be the really depressed people in our society. Also, I've had a lot of people searching for the lyrics to "Black Water" by the Doobie Brothers. (See "Don't Lose that Number".) Is there some sort of Doobie revival going on or something? I've had several visitors of late who have looked through the complete set of The Daily Chia pictures. These are the really bored people in our society.

One thing that certain people in our society search for a lot is "dirty pictures." There are variations to this: "dirty photos," "dirty picture gallery," "dirty thumbnails," and even "dirty frog pictures." Hmmm. I would love to see the eagerness draining from their faces when the images on My Dirty Pictures begin to load! What a "dirty" rat I am! What a "dirty" sense of humor! (Yes, this photo gallery is safe for viewers of all ages. It's purpose is only to annoy the "dirty" among the visitors.)

Now for a list of some funny, strange, and otherwise interesting search criteria.

Search Criteria	Destination
Geeky Programmer Picture	"Last Week in Java Class"
Rubber Chickens Juggling	"Finkledorff, Finkledorff, Where Have You Been?"
I am a sissy. I am a 15 year old girl.	"Everyday Stuff"
Smoking Oysters	"The Oyster and the Personality Test"
My First Fist Fight	"I Blame Carole King: The Evil Influences of my Mother's Music"
Birthday Belt Spankings	"Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers"
Birthday Boy Spankings Pictures	"Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers"
Spankings By Mom	"Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers"
Ouch Spankings	"Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers"
Spankings Hurt	"Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers"
Tango Underwear	"Buffalo Before Breakfast, Twizzlers Before Lunch"
Patricia Whack	"With a Knick Knack Paddy Whack"
Whoopie Cushions	"Caught by Surprise"
Biggest Thighs	"Old Photos"
Yellow Submarine Captain	"Snowbound in a Yellow Submarine"
Talking Backwards While Sleeping	"A Mother's Day Letter"
Three Sheets to the Wind	"The Battle of Snydersburg"
Where to Find Pilgrim Girls Clothes	"Buffalo Before Breakfast, Twizzlers Before Lunch"
How Did Gene Simmons Get Such a Long Tongue?	"When We Were Rock Stars"
Astronauts Who Traveled to Space	"Of Astronauts and Mountain Climbers"

Posted at 2:20 PM (EST)

April 11, 2003

Going to see THIS band tonight! Yeah, it's an Irish thing. You know, we Irish were the ones who invented rock-n-roll. Yup! What do you think the Blarney Stone is all about? Yeah, it's a rock-n-roll thing!

In other news...

I've been down with a nasty, snotty cold for about 10 days now. Nothing but hacking and gagging and sputtering. (Sorry, no picture available.)

Also...

New Jersey has turned into a big snowy, rainy, unfriendly kind of place for the last few weeks. So I haven't gotten any bike riding in lately. Hey, did you hear about my big bike accident? Too bad we don't have video footage of this one! Classic! I so gracefully launched myself right over the ol' handle bars. No, that's not an Irish thing! This comes from the minority of Polish genes that run in the family. I think they've leached upon my nervous system and sucked the coordination right out of me. But here's the good thing. I was going uphill when I fell. (Only Polacks fall uphill!) There is an advantage to falling uphill. The road meets you half way! That's a good thing once you are over 25 like me. **cough** I won't tell you exactly what caused the crash. Let me just say... Don't take your shirt off and tie it to your handle bars. Trust me. Just don't do it.

Okay. That's it for now. Blog ya later.

Posted at 4:00 PM (EST)

April 6, 2003

Traffic ticket while rushing to airport: $44

Supplies from Staples to "play school": $26

The opportunity to act like nuts at Perkins: PRICELESS!

See pics below.

Posted at 10:35 PM (EST)

April 4, 2003

There are those of the human species whose mission in life is to annoy, irritate, peeve, irk and provoke. Indeed, their singular function in this world is to give linguists a reason to include such words as splinter, boil, burr, and brush-burn in our English dictionaries.

Or so one may often be tempted to believe.

Posted at 7:55 PM (EST)

April 3, 2003

Give me codeine or give me death!

Isn’t it something how one can become so fond of narcotics when they can’t breath, ache all over, cough like they have emphysema, and just basically feel like crap?

I was convinced to go to a doctor today when a female co-worker took one look at me and exclaimed, "Oh my God!! What happened to you?? You look awful!!" Now, I’ve gotten that reaction from a few women over the years. And several others never really vocalized it. But I could see what they were thinking in their eyes. Yet, I think this co-worker was genuinely concerned about my health and not just simply repulsed by my looks.

What does the doctor say?

Pretty much nothing that I didn’t already know! For the most part he just echoed everything I told him. He basically agreed that I look and feel like I got hit by a rather large vehicle, charged me $15, and sent me off to the pharmacy... with a prescription for narcotics!

"Dude! Thanks for hookin’ me up, man!"

Posted at 8:55 PM (EST)

April 2, 2003

Posted at 10:15 AM (EST)

April 1, 2003

Does the word "DO" mean "EAT" in some language? Cause this kid definitely ain't "DOin'" it!
(Photo taken in Brooklyn, May 2002)

Posted at 3:05 PM (EST)

FLASHBACK - July 2000
(Only 4 more days until H & M arrive!)

Posted at 1:55 PM (EST)