(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)
Q. “Where does the hambooger go to dance?” (Actual five year old pronunciation)
A. “The meat ball!”
Q. “Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?”
A. “Because he didn’t have the guts!”
Q. “What do you have if you have 80 oranges in one hand and 80 oranges in the other hand?”
A. “You have BIG hands!”
SO begins an extended Easter visit with H and M.
This time Friend J accompanied me on the trip to Harrisburg to pick up the girls. I am telling you, I know the road between here and there so well that I could probably drive it blindfolded! But Friend J wouldn’t allow me to do that, he being a sissy and all. (Boy, if he ever starts an online journal, I am in serious trouble!) We did have a fun time with H and M on the way home. For quite a while they were quite excited and wound up especially since Friend J was there. Kids usually act that way when they see a clown. (Okay, man, I’ll stop! I was only kidding… Bozo…)
SINCE this is supposed to be a journal, do you want to hear the everyday stuff? I was off from work on Friday. I showered. I was off on Saturday. I didn’t shower. Last Wednesday I got a pimple. By Friday there were a flock of them on my forehead, proof that I am a teenager trapped in a man’s body. I finally found two old Aerosmith CDs that I have been trying to get my hands on without paying full price through my nose at the record store in the mall. There is a used CD store near my Sister C’s house that I just discovered. So much for the children’s college fund! Let’s see. What other everyday stuff should I tell you? Oh. I made an attempt to purchase a few new shirts for S. How was I to know that a ladies small is huge for a 14-year-old! Excuse me! My fashion deficiency is showing again!
WHILE I am writing this, H and M are playing with the neighbor’s kids in the back yard. M ran in at one point, yelling, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to be quick as a cookie!” Quick as a cookie, huh? Just exactly how quick is a cookie? I guess, compared with a cake, a cookie is relatively quick! Maybe this is exactly the point that Einstein started at when he was just a five year old little girl. Err… Well, you know what I mean.
Before H and M came this time, I made sure that I had lots of Band-Aids on hand. (No, not actually not on my hand! Do I have to explain everything?) I got a box of Band-Aids that have different animal markings on them: zebra stripes, leopard spots, tiger spots, etc. So far, in just three days, H fell and scraped both knees and an elbow. The zebra stripes are covering those. M cut her finger on a box. The leopard spots took care of that three times over now. While we were in the car today, I noticed a big tiger striped Band-Aid on M’s thigh. I asked, “M, what did you do to your leg?” She said, “I hurt it. But it wasn’t bleeding or anything.” “Oh! So you don’t have a boo-boo on your leg. It’s an excuse on your leg!” It’s amazing how much more serious the injuries become when cool looking Band-Aids are on hand! It’s a relative thing again. (I’m catching on to that Einstein guy!)
MORE everyday stuff? Well, a few of us at work have been dipping into a little philosophy a la Forrest Gump. “Stupid is as stupid does.” Or the equivalent “Oyster is as oyster does.” How about the deeply philosophical “Momma always said that life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.” Momma, why didn’t you pinch some of those chocolates so that I would have known which ones to avoid? Yes, you are right. You did pinch and I ate the yucky ones anyway. “Stupid is as stupid does!”
Well, I suppose that is enough everyday stuff for one day. Since H and M are with me for the next week, I am sure that plenty of everyday stuff will happen. So stay tuned. I’ll write some more soon… relatively speaking.