On this date in 2005, I wrote the following blurb:
What is it but a mad dash? A stumble through the darkness? A bashed knee upon the pavement? A “fuck you” in the bitterness and a knife in the throat? A smile in the halls of the office.
My perspective has changed (thankfully) from what it was 16 years ago.
This morning, I am up early, reading the Proverbs, just finishing my first cup of coffee. Part of the reason I’m up so early (4:30 today) is that I am 16 years older. Boy, do I feel it in my neck! It feels better to be upright. (That’s not a statement on morality. But it is true in a moral sense too.)
I logged onto my website to update the page for Proverbs 16 and noticed the above blurb under the “Posts on This Day” section. This is what came to mind as I read my previous, dark, unhappy words:
Proverbs 29:6 – In the transgression of an evil man there is a snare: but the righteous doth sing and rejoice.
Previous to 2005 (more accurately, previous to 1999), I enjoyed many years of singing and rejoicing because I lived differently. I lived as a sincere Christian. I had faith and hope so that, even in very trying times, even through sadness, I had joy while trusting Jesus and living in His ways. (See my post, “Where I Used to Live” for more.)
But by my own evil transgressions, I forgot the Lord. I stopped trusting Him. I walked in darkness. I stumbled. The bloodied knees were of my own doing. That knife at my throat was held by my own hand! Sinister forces in the darkness were eager for me to plunge it into my own neck. The phony smiles in the office were the lackluster facade of a man with a guilty conscience. I was not engaging with people with sincerity, courage, and love.
During 2021, the “mad dash” stopped for me. I am so thankful that the Lord’s light began to shine in my heart again. His word became alive again. Now when I read it each day, I am able to connect to it. I am able to pray. I am even able to sing to the Lord with sincerity. That had not happened for many years. I am also able to see my sins in that light. I see that they only bring a snare for my soul. They rob the joy out of my heart.
These words, also from the Proverbs, sum things up nicely:
Proverbs 4:18, 19 – But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day. The way of the wicked is as darkness: they know not at what they stumble.