Cover Your Pie Hole

Who was that masked man?

If the Mask Fits, Wear It

There was a time in human history when we used to chuckle at people who wore masks out of fear of catching SARS or Swine Flu or what-have-you (or what you have). Now we all hide our smirks behind masks for fear of catching the COVID-19, aka: the “novel coranavirus,” aka: the “Chinese Wuhan Flu.” But what is in a name? A virus by any other name is just as deadly. Actually, no it isn’t. Many thousands around the world have died in the past few months.

So here we all are: wearing masks. Is that piece of cloth on my face effective? No, not really. That virus could go right through that fabric as if the strands were miles apart. So could 50 million other viruses and bacteria. Granted, it would keep my sputum (lovely word) from flying out of my face if I coughed or sneezed. I’m sure it would make everyone around me in a grocery store feel better.

And that right there is the primary driver behind this phenomenon of wearing masks, especially masks that are not medical grade. It makes everyone around you feel safe. Regardless of the fact that your act of breathing launches millions of virus cells into the air right through your mask, the rest of us feel warm and safe. Of course, I’m assuming your guilt of being a virus carrier without due process here. You just keep your mask on and I’ll keep mine on and we will do this little corona dance around each other and feel happy and secure and good about ourselves. I’m wearing a mask because I care about you. My mask won’t prevent you from being infected if I’m carrying the virus. But, dude, I care. We’re all in this together. Things will get better. If you get sick and die, don’t blame me. I’m complying with protocol.

Complying with Protocol

It’s not that it’s a good idea to put non-medical grade cloth in front of my face. It’s not that any of us used our common sense or honest care for the well being of our fellows. We were told we have to cover our faces. It’s a signed order from our governor. It’s not proven that the practice prevents the spread of the virus or even that it reduces the risk of spreading it. But we have been ordered to do it. I would feel better if we were all issued a medical grade mask that actually blocked the transmission of viruses and bacteria. That would make sense to me. That would be something that has been proven to be effective. But this isn’t something sensical. It’s an order to cover your face. Use a scarf, a cloth, a sock, a flimsy dust mask from Home Depot. Just cover your goddamn face so we can all feel better. That’s an order.

Cover Your Stupid Face

So let’s all cover our stupid faces so we don’t catch more stupidity from each other. I really question the whole idea of evolution. Are we evolving? Are we getting any smarter? I see lots of evidence that we are devolving. It’s masked behind our group think. Let’s leave it there for now. Let’s wear our masks, smile, and wave. Or don’t smile. Smiling is pointless under the circumstances. You probably won’t wave either. Wearing a mask seems to make us invisible to each other too. When people are in public with masks on they seem less inclined to acknowledge each other. It’s like our masks all have the text, “Fuck off,” printed on them. Our masks don’t hold back any germs but they sure make it hard as hell to hear the word Hello from anyone’s mouth.

I must stop here. This mask makes my glasses fog up and I can’t see well enough to continue.

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