Sandy Hook Equipment -Free Fishing Derby – 2003

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

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Here he is ladies and gentlemen… the first place winner of the Sandy Hook Equipment-Free Fishing Derby, Greg H.!

Give him a big round of applause!

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Now, let’s get a better look at that amazing whale of a fish!

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How about some applause for the fish!

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Very good! Very good!

Now, let’s go to the instant replay action photo of our weiner… er winner…

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Look at that, ladies! What a view! (Are those bio-hazard symbols on his shorts??)

Let’s hear some applause for Greg H. from the ladies!

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Everyone, let’s give Greg a huge round of applause for being such a sport and enduring the abuse that only a close friend with a website can dish out! Put your hands together!

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(Okay… so it’s all just a spoof. You knew there was something “fishy” going on here. But we were at the beach on Saturday. If I get the time, I’ll tell ya all about it later.)

Posted at 11:00 AM (EST)

YOU SMELL SOMETHIN’?

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

YOU SMELL SOMETHIN’?

I was driving along on my way home after work today, glanced up into my rearview mirror, saw a good looking girl driving a Jetta. With the aid of my sunglasses, I was able to keep one eye on the road and the other on the girl without my peeping being noticed. Both of us had just gotten onto the highway. She was bopping around in her seat a bit, getting comfortable, playing with controls on the dash. She started lifting her hair up off of her neck, obviously sweating in the 96 degree afternoon. She lifted her hair above her head, allowed it to slip through her fingers, left her arm up above her head, let out a relaxing breath. I’m thinking, “Nice…”

Then she turned her head and smelled her armpit!!!! She glanced back at the road and then took another sniff! (She must have needed a second opinion.)

I have seen women doing numerous things while driving: brushing their hair, applying make-up, singing and dancing in their seats. This is the first time I’ve seen a woman dive into her own armpit while driving! She was in there too! Her whole face!

Suddenly she wasn’t so cute. I put both eyes back on the road in front of me before she had a chance to pick her nose or something while I was still peeping.

I wonder what her weblog might say today. Maybe something like this:

“So like, I’m driving along listening to the new Jewel song. Can’t believe she went all Brittany-like. She must have gotten implants too. Like that slut, Amber, who sits two cubes away from Jenny. She always has a whole football team of guys hanging around her desk. I hate her. So I was driving along. It was like so, so hot today! The back of my neck was all ewwwwwie. Like gross!

“Speaking of ewwwwwie… there was this half-bald guy in front of me. He kept cleaning his ear with his pinky! Like totally really gross! Then, I swear, he smelled his finger! Yuk! What is it with guys? Always burping and farting and sticking their fingers in places. Pigs. And it was like sooooo obvious that the perv in front of me was watching me from behind those like so yesterday style sunglasses. Pig. He probably even has kids.

“By the way… I tried that new improved ‘works for a man but is made for a woman’ deoderant this morning. I think it like stopped working on my drive home.

“I’m taking a poll. What do you think? Should I get implants like Jewel?”

Posted at 6:30 PM (EST)