Adam

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(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

YOU SPOKE to me tonight unexpectedly. I did not come searching for you, nor even caring for you. Indeed, I sat by your side without much thought of you for nearly two hours. We hoped the jokes and nonsense would lessen the annoyance of amateur singing, just as we hoped the alcohol would curb the gnawing in our hearts. Beer, wine and enough smoke to choke half the state. You were there. But I didn’t care.

Caught up in my own pity I looked for the acknowledgement of a friend in so many eyes around the room. I found no friend. So I imagined what it would be like to be with that with the black hair and rosy cheeks. She didn’t care either. But there was the one singing, the one with the cherry lips and sparkles on her shirt. If only I could be who I am not so she might like me. Thinking myself insane I came back to my senses.

You sat by my thoughtlessness for such a time. I could not have cared less. The temptation to stop caring for myself was staring me in the face. So who the hell were you?

THEN you spoke. At first I thought it was the alcohol. Then I realized it was your heart.

You spoke of a three-year-old girl that you were proud to acknowledge as your own daughter, though she was the child of a man who gave her no love or protection. With increasing wonder I listened as you told me of a woman. Though you said not the words, I heard that you loved her. In your slurred speech it was clear. You loved her. I understood.

Tonight I would not have known you from Adam. Your voice was nearly indistinguishable from the rest of the noise. While still uncaring I endured your first few lines. But when our eyes met I saw your struggle. I listened closer. Something you said reached down deep within my own heart. Then I knew you, Adam. I knew you. For brief moments we shared an ancient language the words of which neither of us could remember.

She broke your heart. I felt the pain inflicted. I saw your wounds freshly bleeding as my hand returned to the scar upon my own chest. I left my hand there as the tears swelled then subsided in your eyes. Men don’t cry. But some have been hurt enough to listen.

You told me that you were only recently parted. There was the heartache as you looked into your beer as if you saw her face there. You drank to the bottom as if that would rinse her away. The look on your face was proof that she was much to deep for that. Few were your words. Enough said.

MY FRIEND, Adam, I understand. I know that pain. I know its depth. I know how it feels to weep in solitude until the tears burn like blood in your eyes and you vomit your heart from the back of your throat. You think, “Surely she will be moved by the sight. Surely her heart will melt. Her hardness will relent and we shall awake as from a bad dream, just a trifling disturbance in the night.” Yet in the morning you awake with arms empty in the coldness of solitude.

Oh Adam! I know! How often have I awoke in the middle of the night! Sweatless. With the taste of her lips lingering in my memory. The scent of her skin fading from my fingertips. The sensation of her hair wisping across my face for the final time. All that we once shared turned to salt upon my cheeks. Hours I spent with my face on the floor, clawing. My existence was a weight I could not bare. Crushed and beaten I lay there as the dust that I was, no longer a man. She mocked me then. She dealt the mortal blow then despised me for not enduring it like a god.

You see, I know. I understand. I feel.

NOW I do not love her nor miss her. It is as if it never was. Still I suffer the longing, the desire, the need for intimacy and reflection. I no longer feel the absence of “her” but of something even larger. Something that even in a perfect world caused the Creator to say, “It is not good for Adam to be alone.” Before the world went crazy and our hearts were broken, He knew what we so feebly tried to communicate tonight. He already knew. He knew there would be desperation and clawing.

But does that make it all right and fine tonight?

Hell no! In the distance, as I drove, I saw the lights on the mountain towers. Blinking red. Luring me back to days that I swear are from something I read in a book. I couldn’t possibly have lived through them! Yet I did. Oh God, you know I did. I lived and I died and I gave up my heart as I drove through the mountains of states unknown. Mile upon mile of weeping and praying, agonizing and wondering. Why God? Why? If it is not good for me to be alone, why the pain? Why the separation? Why the total disregard? Why the refusal to acknowledge and accept the love I willing gave to her? Why?

With no answer and no immediate comfort I drove on. Mile upon mile upon mile. Just to finally see her and be ignored.

At hand there are no complete answers. That is why I could only speak to you by my hand upon your shoulder tonight. Near perfect strangers you and I are. Yet I know you, Adam. Tonight we stood with Eden at our backs, our faces set into the wind, and questions in our eyes which our tongues know not how to utter. Not animal. Not angel. Somehow like God. Yet frustratingly not. In the span of seconds we found ourselves worlds removed from paradise, drinks in our hands, basking in the dimly lit cigarette smoke, with the echoes of a hauntingly familiar bygone day of wholeness hinting between the karaoke lines.

There are no complete answers. But sometimes we understand. Sometimes we catch a glimpse of who we are.

DANCING FISH AND THE DANNY GODINEZ BAND

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(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

SOMETIMES the best things happen when you do something on the spur of the moment, something spontaneous. When you are tired of the routine. When it’s late Friday afternoon and the full workweek has all but killed your brain. When you make a phone call to hook up with someone you haven’t seen in a while and say, “Let’s go!” When they are available and it just all works out. That is the best!

Such was the way my weekend started out when I called Cousin AP and asked the magic question: “Sushi?”

We went out for sushi at The Dancing Fish Company in Bethlehem, PA. It was the best! I didn’t see any of the fish dancing. Even if the fish tried to dance, it would have been a short little waltz! One of us would have covered it with ginger, dipped it in soy sauce, and it would have been curtains for the fish and delight for the palate! Spider, dragon, Alaska, vegetable and yellowtail were the rolls we feasted on. Plus we had “chicken and ribs.” Huh? At a sushi restaurant? But wait! The “chicken and ribs” dish was actually a California roll covered with spicy tuna. Yummy! Add to this a little salad and miso soup. Top it off with an ice cream dessert called “mochi” that brings you to a state of near euphoria, especially the red bean. And you have a meal worth dancing for. Bring a cousin, a good friend, a lovely person onto the stage and you have Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers cutting up the rug!

AFTER DINNER, Cousin AP and I decided to go to the Pattenburg House. It was only 9:30. Neither of us felt like going home so early. So we went over to Pattenburg to have a drink and maybe catch some music. AP had heard that some guy from Seattle was doing a solo show. We enjoyed the first band, a group of local guys called Dyer Weed. Their music was kind of groovy and fun. Some of the guys in the band weren’t even wearing shoes. That’s the way it is at the Pattenburg House. The atmosphere is kind of laid back. A lot of people frequent the place and know each other. You can let your hair down, laugh and dance. But since I don’t have enough hair to let down, and I don’t dance (despite the Fred Astaire analogy above), I just enjoyed watching the band.

The first band finished, packed up and we were excited to see that the act from Seattle was not just a solo singer but a full band. They were the Danny Godinez Band. The who? No, not The Who! The Danny Godinez Band! Although we had never heard of them before, let me tell you, within the first 30 seconds of the very first song we were amazed and knew that we had gotten something worth way more than the little $5 cover charge we paid! These guys were awesome! They were extremely talented, precise, jazzy, rocky, soulful, playful, quiet and explosive! Wow!

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Of course, as a drummer, I watch every move a drummer makes. This drummer was blowing me away! He used everything at his disposal with precision, speed, accuracy and timing. He was a well-trained warrior wielding his weapons and tearing through the crowd.

Yet, when you talk with him, Todd is a mild-mannered kind-hearted guy, an intelligent guy who takes the time to listen when people speak to him. We struck up a conversation when the band took a break and made a connection for me to possibly do some web design for the band and, more importantly, to make a friend.

What about the rest of the band?

Danny Godinez will quickly get your attention with his acoustic guitar. He was smooth and fast. It was obvious that he “becomes one” with his guitar. When a guy uses harmonics, slaps his strings, picks with precision and speed, and masterfully bends his guitar neck to get just the perfect sound, you know that you are getting more than just music. You are getting the man’s soul. When he adds smooth singing and even mimics his guitar licks with his vocals, you are getting soul and art.

Danny, as well, is a super nice guy. In fact, all the guys in the band are great people. There is no arrogance among them. They interacted with the crowd in a positive and friendly way. It was great to see. How many times do you see musicians that don’t even have half the talent as Danny and his band who have ten times the amount of arrogance and act like their “you-know-what” doesn’t stink? Most of the time their music stinks more than their “you-know-what!”

Farko is the bass player. He came from Uzbekistan and hooked up with the others when he came to Seattle to attend music school. Farko is a mighty cool guy to talk with. We really enjoyed talking and laughing with him. It was interesting to hear his story.

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On the keyboards is Joe Raven. Wow! He is all curly hair and lightening fingers! It was a lot of fun to watch him play. Just like the others, he was a delight to talk with as well.

COUSIN AP and I enjoyed ourselves so much that we decided to make the trek to Norwalk, Connecticut to see the band again on Saturday night. I wanted to hook up with them again in order to talk some more about their website and possibly helping them out with that. AP and I both wanted to see them again just to enjoy their incredible music. We were surprised that it took us less than two hours to make the trip. Norwalk was a nice little town. There were plenty of clubs, shops and restaurants around. The band played at a place called Ocean Drive on Washington Street. It appeared to be a little upscale. In fact, we nearly paid more for a glass of wine than you would pay in a store for a small bottle! It was so opposite of the scene at the Pattenburg House. Regardless, AP and I had a good time. She took a lot of good pictures for the band. We had an opportunity to meet some new people. It felt good to get away and do something different.

ONE LAST THING. The Danny Godinez Band from Seattle, Washington is like a secret that no one should keep anymore. When I first heard them I thought, “Why hasn’t someone told me about this band before?” It almost felt morally wrong that I had never heard anyone talk about these guys before. Hey! If there is a good band, I want to know about it! Don’t leave me in the dark! How dare you! Let’s make a deal. Any time you find out about a good band, let me know. I’ll do the same for you. And if the timing is right and you are in the mood to do something spontaneous, let’s go hear a good band together. Okay? Good!