ON 78

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(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

ON FRIDAY I left for work at 6:30 am. This is earlier than I normally do. But I needed to leave for home earlier than normal this day in order to take S to a hair styling appointment. She was going to the Valentine’s dance and wanted to have her hair looking just right. So I had to try to do everything an hour earlier. This meant setting the alarm clock for 4 am instead of 5 am so that I could be up by 5:15 instead of 6:15. Yes, it takes me an hour or so to finally realize that the irritating ringing that I hear is not coming from the bomb that I am frantically trying to diffuse in order to save the entire world – in a dream. But it is my unfeeling, uncaring alarm clock just doing its duty. Good thing it has a snooze button that is big enough for my clumsy fingers to find in my early morning stupor. Otherwise this poor clock would have been smashed to death long ago and I would still be asleep.

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So I left for work nice and early. But I only drove about five miles and was confronted with three lanes of non-moving vehicles. There were bright red taillights as far as the eye could see. After only a few minutes the highway behind me was glowing white with headlights. I could almost hear all the groaning drivers behind me. Yes, there was another accident on Route 78. Welcome to New Jersey traffic! These accidents seem to be a daily event on this highway now. It’s starting to feel like the drive to work is some kind of roulette game. Who’s turn will it be next? We all speed, dodge between lanes and ride each other’s rear ends so close that we can feel each other’s breath on our necks. Until somebody’s number is up and the rest of us get pissed off because that somebody had the nerve to die on the highway and make us late for work. That is what happened on Friday. For more than 30 minutes we all crept along, not even moving fast enough for our speedometers to register our speed. By the end of those 30 minutes we had only traveled one mile. Then we all gawked at the accident as we stood with all of our weight on the accelerator and sped on our way again.

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IT IS always a very eerie thing to see a fatal accident in the dim early morning light. It certainly appeared that this one was fatal too. The truck that I saw surrounded by flares on the side of the highway was so mangled that I highly doubt if anyone could have survived. When I see scenes like that I always start wondering what the person was like that died. Did he have a wife and kids? What did he have planned for that night after work? Would he and I have been friends if we had had the opportunity to meet in this life? Then I start wondering what would happen if I were the one who had been taken in a crash. What about the kids? What about the bills? Before I know it I am in the process of planning my own funeral and arranging everyone around my casket. At that point it is all too creepy and I usually turn up the radio nice and loud.

Sitting in New Jersey traffic and seeing such a tragic accident is no way to start a Friday, or any day for that matter. By the time I do get to work I am half spent and pretty frazzled already. But the rest of my day went fairly well. I was able to get S to her hair appointment on time. And she, as a true girl, hated the way the stylist did her hair and went home and changed it! She was then an hour late for the dance. But she had a good time.

SO to close this entry, I would like to share something that my Sister Ch sent to me.

YOU’RE A GENUINE NEW JERSEYAN IF YOU RECOGNIZE OR CAN RELATE TO AT LEAST TEN OF THESE:

(If you can’t smile at ANY of these, come on over and hang out in Jersey with me for a while. You’ll understand after a while.)

1. You don’t think of citrus when people mention “The Oranges.”
2. You’ve ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.
3. You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
4. You’ve eaten at a diner at 3 am.
5. You remember that the “Two Guys” were from Harrison.
6. You know that the state isn’t one big oil refinery.
7. You know what a “jug handle” is.
8. You know that the state isn’t all farmland.
9. You know that there are no “beaches” in New Jersey there’s “The Shore,” and you know that the road to the shore is “The Parkway,” not “The Garden State Parkway”.
10. Even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs.
11. And you call it”sub” not a “submarine sandwich” or worse yet, a “hoagie” or a “hero.”
12. You know how to properly negotiate a Circle.
13. You knew that the last question had to do with driving.
14. You know that this is the only “New…” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it (like, try …Mexico, …York, …Hampshire doesn’t work, does it?).
15. You only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it “The City”.
16. You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.
17. You don’t think, “What exit” (do you live near?) is very funny.
18. You know that the real first “strip shopping center” in the country is Route 22.
19. You know that people from the 609 area code are “a little different.”
20. You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
21. You can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.
22. You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
23. You’ve eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.
24. You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
25. And finally… You’ve never pumped your own gas.

SNOW DAY IN PHILLIPSBURG – February 5, 2001 (Photos)

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

FINKLEDORFF, FINKLEDORFF, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

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(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

NEARLY a whole week has gone by since I posted my last entry. It is also a new month. My how time flies when you’re making fudge!

The past week was a busy week for me. I had some last minute, unexpected changes to make on a project at work. So I had to scurry and scramble to get it done. And, of course, things were as busy as ever with the children. S started attending a new high school part time. On her fourth day she was nominated as freshman class queen. Not bad! But for Dad this entailed a special trip to the mall and forking over of a bunch of dollars not originally planned for in this month’s budget. J needed a tetanus shot and routine blood work to check his seizure medication level. This meant a bunch of phone calls for Dad to make appointments and get the specialist’s order for blood work faxed over. T ended up puking in school last Friday! “Way to go, sport!” Since Dad was extremely busy at work, T’s unexpected upchucking caused upheaval for Dad. But, after a mess of phone calls, I was able to get my sister C to help me bring T home from school. The usual business of the week also continued: trips to the store, a trip to the laundry mat (which was put off for a few days again, but not as bad as the week before), dinners had to be prepared. One of the nights we had a “buffet.” We each got to eat whatever we wanted. This was easy to prepare: one mile to Taco Bell, another half mile to McDonalds and then Burger King on the way back home! Only in America! I wonder if the originator of McDonalds was a single father? I tell you, these fast food establishments have been a “blessing” when I have been pressed for time! Although, they do have a tendency to deflate one’s savings and inflate one’s waist!

Oh, I was in Wal-Mart on Sunday and I slipped and bought more of Mom’s music. This time it was “Tapestry” by Carole King. What an awesome recording! I know it’s the music Mom listened to. But I was under the influence of my migraine pills that day! So, I plead temporary insanity! Besides, my head hurt too much to listen to rock. I needed something mellow to make me feel better. (Oh yes, I could come up with many rationalizations for buying new music!)

Today we got so much snow! The kids were home from school and I was home from work. It snowed and snowed for hours and hours. I was able to get out and take some pictures around the neighborhood. You can see these HERE.

Oh yeah… we have no heat again today. The landlord has lots of excuses though!

Well that’s where I have been for the last week: life as usual.

SINCE there have been a few people that have discovered my Finkledorff websites and asked, “Who is Finkledorff? And WHAT is a Finkledorff anyway??”

To answer the first question, I AM Finkledorff! As to the second question, I do not know what a Finkledorff is and I am not sure where the name originated! Mom and I have a few “affectionate” terms for each other. It may have originated there. Of course, I can’t reveal to the whole world what some of those names are! And Mom won’t tell you either if you email her because she knows that I have some good black mail pictures of her that I can always post here!

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However Finkledorff originated, it has become my “e-name.” I use it as my ID on several internet sites. I use it as my ID on eBay. I even had the crazy notion to create an online store called “Finkledorff Online Gifts and Crafts” on which I sell some of life’s basic necessities: rubber chickens, juggling balls, alien dolls, whoopie cushions. Hey, I can hook you up! The picture above is me holding the check from my very first sale. It was for a rubber chicken that sold on eBay for twice the amount that I purchased it at! I used the money to buy my neighbor’s back yard so that I could expand my rubber chicken ranch. (Oh, did I mention that I also sell bridges? Ya wanna buy one?) *Please note that this website has been discontinued.

WHEN WE WERE ROCK STARS

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(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

“YOU wanted the best and you got it! The hottest band in the land…”

“APE??”

NOW, if you are any kind of true rock-n-roller, you would know that “APE” is not the real conclusion to the above lines. You would know that those lines are at the beginning of KISS “Alive I.” Back in the early to mid seventies, KISS came on the scene and took the teenage world by storm. They were different. They were awesome with their make up, costumes, platform shoes and catchy rock-n-roll tunes. You either enlisted in the KISS Army or you just were not with it, man!

So, Cousin P and I decided that we would start our own rock band. Somehow we came up with the name APE. We each had stage names as well. He was the infamous “Alfred B. Oil” and I was the ultra-cool “Barney B. Bogart.” Hey, it sounded cool at the time! But what did we really know? We were still making the transition from plaid double-knit pants to tie-dyed bell-bottoms. We weren’t fully hip yet.

Cousin P had a small low quality drum set that Gram and Pop got for him from Sears or something. So he let me play that. His mom then got him an electric bass guitar from J C Penny, I think. So we would set up in Gram’s basement, put some colored lights on and make some noise. We would yell and scream and carry on. We even wore our blue motorcycle helmets while we played. That was the ultimate in coolness! If KISS could go on stage with their faces painted, we could certainly start a motorcycle helmet trend!

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SPEAKING of KISS’ costumes, there is something I could never really understand. Paul Stanley is the lead singer, rhythm guitarist. His costume, with a big black star over his eye, represented a rock star. Okay, that is cool. Ace Frehley, while sporting such a happening name like Ace and playing lead guitar, represented some kind of alien. Cool again. Gene Simmons was the bass guitarist and portrayed some kind of demon lord/monster, breathing fire and spitting blood while dangling his surgically enhanced tongue all over the place. You can’t get much cooler than that! But what was Peter Criss’ deal? He was the drummer and his costume was a… cat?? Huh? (I recently heard an interview with Gene Simmons. He said that they decided to unmask themselves when the original band broke up and they had to find guys to replace Peter and Ace. He said they were afraid the next guy might want to dress up like a giraffe or something and they would have a real zoo on their hands!)

MY MY very first album was Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out.” I turned Cousin P on to Alice. We both were hooked! It wasn’t long before we added to Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, the Stones, AC/DC, Pink Floyd, Foghat, KISS and a host of other rock giants to our record collections. Also, it was not long before we began imitating some of these people in a lot of ways. Cousin P was not allowed to, but I began letting my hair grow long. Our wardrobes suddenly had all kinds of T-shirts sporting the arrogant faces of our leaders. Circus magazine became our staple diet. My bedroom wall was covered with posters from Circus and from the Alice Cooper fan club. And we, along with many of our peers, would often pose for pictures with our tongues as long and pointed as we could get them just like Gene Simmons. Once I brought in a bloody baby copperhead snake that the cat brought home. I pulled an Alice Cooper as I let it dangle out of my mouth as I turned to the girl next to me in eighth grade homeroom. What a delight it was to see her flee the room in an ear-piercing scream! Cousin P even attempted blowing fire like Gene Simmons. A few good burns on the lips ended that though. (I sometimes think that the two of us would have ended up HERE for real if we kept following our heroes!)

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SOME of the things we did in imitating our idols as kids were rather mindless and even a little scary, looking back at it now. What were we thinking? What do we do about our own children and the people that they are following these days? At times I have found myself acting the role of “parental censorship officer.” And rightly so! But more often than not, since I do like a lot of the music that my kids like (other than the rap), I have found that some of the issues raised by my children’s idols and their songs have given us an opportunity to talk. It has given me an opportunity to teach them some good values when I hear negative attitudes advocated in their music. It has given me an opportunity to talk to them about suicide, sex, anger, drugs, proper attire and the complete evil of boy bands (I couldn’t resist!). We have a good time listening to music. We sing. We shout. We play air-guitar. We dance, even in the car! Just recently, as we approached our street on our way home one night, AC/DC’s “Shook Me All Night Long” came on the radio. The kids begged me to not turn the car off until the song was over. So, I cranked it up to full volume and all five kids and I drove around the streets near our home until the song was over. What a blast! And yes, later the older kids and I talked about the fact that that song is just a sex song. Rather than taking my role as “parental censorship officer” to the extreme and banning all rock-n-roll from our house, I have chosen to use it as a touch point to relate to my kids. When we were kids, rock was all fun and excitement. As an adult, it still is. But there is something more to it now. I know that I have to be an example to my children. I refuse to leave their mental and emotional molding in the hands of their idols. I am the rock star in this house! Now put the disk in, crank up the volume and dance with me kids!