Continuum... Archives | Page 64 of 86

Lacking Taste

By Sam
on Apr 23, 2003
in Continuum..., Stories

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

You’re not going to believe this. I asked a girl out and she turned me down. I told you you wouldn’t believe it! It wasn’t intended to be a big romantic candle light dinner kind of date. I asked her to go to MOMA to see the Matisse/Picasso exhibit with me. You know, kind of a cultural, artsy kind of thing to do. But she wiggled her way out of it by mumbling something about being afraid to go into New York because of terrorism and stuff. “It was very nice of you to ask though.”

“Sure. I understand.”

I understand now that a guy’s dating success rate rises or falls in direct proportion to a woman’s perceived comfort in regard to world peace.

(Please take a moment and pray now for world peace. I beg you!)

I was relating this incident to a FRIEND of mine in the UK who is a wonderful artist and loves Matisse. Here is her reaction to me getting “dissed.”

“Sam,

I am absolutely stunned that anyone could turn down the chance of a date at Matisse/Picasso WITH YOU.

She has no taste!

J.”

And my response:

“J,

Now this email made me smile! That’s right! She has no taste! It’s one thing to neglect Matisse. It’s another thing to reject Picasso. But it’s a crime against all things artistic (autistic?) to turn down Sam Snyder!

I’ll be seeing her later in the day. I think I will give her my best Picasso. You know, shift my nose just below my left eye, distort my mouth, move my right eye onto my chin, and cut off an ear. That will get her! Then she will wish she had said yes!

Yours,
Sam”

Yes, I am still going to see the exhibit. I already had tickets to go with my cousin and my kids before I asked the girl who does not appreciate fine art. Her loss.

Would I ask her out again? Sure! I thrive on that rejection stuff! It builds character! I’m living proof! I’m quite a character. (And besides that, I really kind of like her.)

But enough of this saga. Go on about your normal lives people. Nothing more to see here. Be well and pray for world peace!

Posted at 11:00 AM (EST)

WHAT IS IT???

By Sam
on Apr 21, 2003
in Continuum..., Photos

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

WHAT IS IT???

Can you guess what these pictures are? Send me an email with your guess.

Get it right and you will win your very own, one of a kind, fancy-dancy, suitable for framing email response from me! Ooooo! I can see the excitement and anticipation in your eyes already!

Come on! Don’t be shy! Step right up and guess away!

20030421whatisit1

20030421whatisit2

Posted at 4:30 PM (EST)

The Things People Search On – #2

By Sam
on Apr 18, 2003
in Continuum..., Social Commentary

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

Time for another installment of search results.

Lately, a lot of people have been searching for “rainy day pictures” and finding my Rainy Day Pictures. I figure these must be the really depressed people in our society. Also, I’ve had a lot of people searching for the lyrics to “Black Water” by the Doobie Brothers. (See “Don’t Lose that Number”.) Is there some sort of Doobie revival going on or something? I’ve had several visitors of late who have looked through the complete set of The Daily Chia pictures. These are the really bored people in our society.

One thing that certain people in our society search for a lot is “dirty pictures.” There are variations to this: “dirty photos,” “dirty picture gallery,” “dirty thumbnails,” and even “dirty frog pictures.” Hmmm. I would love to see the eagerness draining from their faces when the images on My Dirty Pictures begin to load! What a “dirty” rat I am! What a “dirty” sense of humor! (Yes, this photo gallery is safe for viewers of all ages. It’s purpose is only to annoy the “dirty” among the visitors.)

Now for a list of some funny, strange, and otherwise interesting search criteria.

Search Criteria	Destination
Geeky Programmer Picture	“Last Week in Java Class”
Rubber Chicken Juggling	“Finkledorff, Finkledorff, Where Have You Been?”
I am a sissy. I am a 15 year old girl.	“Everyday Stuff”
Smoking Oysters	“The Oyster and the Personality Test”
My First Fist Fight	“I Blame Carole King: The Evil Influences of my Mother’s Music”
Birthday Belt Spankings	“Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers”
Birthday Boy Spankings Pictures	“Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers”
Spankings by Mom	“Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers”
Ouch Spankings	“Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers”
Spankings Hurt	“Pitching Quoits and Raising Teenagers”
Tango Underwear	“Buffalo Before Breakfast, Twizzlers Before Lunch”
Patricia Whack	“With a Knick Knack Paddy Whack”
Whoopie Cushions	“Caught by Surprise”
Biggest Thighs	“Old Photos”
Yellow Submarine Captain	“Snowbound in a Yellow Submarine”
Talking Backwards While Sleeping	“A Mother’s Day Letter”
Three Sheets to the Wind	“The Battle of Snydersburg”
Where to Find Pilgrim Girls Clothes	“Buffalo Before Breakfast, Twizzlers Before Lunch”
How Did Gene Simmons Get Such a Long Tongue?	“When We Were Rock Stars”
Astronauts Who Traveled to Space	“Of Astronauts and Mountain Climbers”

Posted at 2:20 PM (EST)

An Irish Thing

By Sam
on Apr 11, 2003
in Continuum...

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

Going to see THIS band tonight! Yeah, it’s an Irish thing. You know, we Irish were the ones who invented rock-n-roll. Yup! What do you think the Blarney Stone is all about? Yeah, it’s a rock-n-roll thing!

In other news…

I’ve been down with a nasty, snotty cold for about 10 days now. Nothing but hacking and gagging and sputtering. (Sorry, no picture available.)

Also…

New Jersey has turned into a big snowy, rainy, unfriendly kind of place for the last few weeks. So I haven’t gotten any bike riding in lately. Hey, did you hear about my big bike accident? Too bad we don’t have video footage of this one! Classic! I so gracefully launched myself right over the ol’ handle bars. No, that’s not an Irish thing! This comes from the minority of Polish genes that run in the family. I think they’ve leached upon my nervous system and sucked the coordination right out of me. But here’s the good thing. I was going uphill when I fell. (Only Polacks fall uphill!) There is an advantage to falling uphill. The road meets you half way! That’s a good thing once you are over 25 like me. **cough** I won’t tell you exactly what caused the crash. Let me just say… Don’t take your shirt off and tie it to your handle bars. Trust me. Just don’t do it.

Okay. That’s it for now. Blog ya later.

Posted at 4:00 PM (EST)