(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

I had to get outside for a walk in the middle of the day today. The weather was dreary and damp. But I had to get out of this cube and forget about the pressures of the day, at least for 15 minutes. I’ve been working on The Project from Hell. I think a few of the people involved came straight from hell. At this point in the project, they can go straight back for all I care! So, you see, this midday stroll was a necessity. A necessity for me from the point of my mental wellbeing. A necessity for the Hell People from the point of their physical safety. I grabbed my iPod, shoved the earphones in my ears (because that’s where they go), and walked out the door. I chose “shuffle” on the iPod and the random songs began to play.

Two minutes later I rounded the back corner of the building and followed the driveway along the edge of the woods. I looked up and there, to my amazement, was a bald eagle flying just twenty yards ahead of me! It was gorgeous! Beautiful white head and tail in sharp contrast to its black body and wings. It gracefully tilted through the branches of the trees, lowered toward the small river behind the office, and sailed its way downstream and out of my view. I was nearly ecstatic! A minute later, another employee who I never saw before came walking from the opposite direction. “Did you see that eagle?” I asked. “It was beautiful! Big white head and tail! Amazing!” He replied that he didn’t see it and gave me the skeptical eye. Well, he can just join the Hell People on their return trip. I saw an eagle and it was real. Let him think I’m kookie.

Speaking of kookie, here’s where my little story gets kookie, for real. I kid you not when I inform you that within two minutes of seeing that great big beautiful bird, the song “Fly Like an Eagle” by Steve Miller came on my iPod. I kid you not. Don’t give me the skeptical eye. I was almost like, “Whoa, dude! That’s freaky!” But since I was alone with no one to call “Dude,” I didn’t. I just continued walking and thinking, “I wish I could fly like an eagle ‘til I’m free! Damn! That’s what I need! I should just soar right out of this stink-hole!”

Well, let me kid you not again and get more kookie on your skeptical ass. Three songs later, on the opposite side of the office building, a song by The Guess Who came on the iPod. (No, I didn’t mean for you to “guess who”. That’s the name of the band, silly!) It was an old song, as all Guess Who songs are old, called “Guns, Guns, Guns”. Suddenly, I heard the lines, “Eagles are gone, and no more caribou; Godspeed, Mother Nature; I never really wanted to say good-bye.”

Then I was almost like, “Whoa, dude! It’s a sign! God is speaking to you! You have to do something!”

And I was like, “Like what? Free Willy?”

“Nah, dude! You have to save the eagles!”

“Well, what about the caribou?”

“Nah, they can’t fly…”

Reluctantly though, I had to go back into the building. There was no time for saving the eagles. I had a meeting to attend. Then another one after that. Then another one at 7:00 tonight.

Now, you may wonder, “What was an eagle doing in New Jersey? Isn’t that place full of turnpikes, chemical factories, and places with names like Bayonne?”

Yes, but not completely. Much of New Jersey is still quite scenic. But that is changing. Just like the rest of the world, New Jersey’s ecology is being eroded and polluted. The Guess Who may have been worried about humans killing eagles with guns back in the day. Today, after decade upon decade of industrialization, there are worse threats against the lives of eagles, caribou, and humans. Our country’s current Commander and Thief and his kookie cronies have done much to reverse environmental laws and put the ecology of both our country and the entire world at greater risk. They close their eyes to the evidence of a polluted environment, plug their ears to the whimpers of dying animals and sick children, and wave away the risk of global warming with their calloused greedy hands. (Speaking of global warming, I also saw red-breasted robins on my walk. These are birds that show up closer to spring. They seem to be here rather early this year.) “Let us eat, drink and burn oil, for tomorrow we die,” they sing. Yes, tomorrow we die. Unless, someone steps up and saves us all. Maybe guns aren’t the problem anymore. Maybe they are a solution. After all, we can’t wait for the caribou to save us.

(I can hear the Patriot Act alarms going off now. “He said guns on his website! You can’t say ‘guns’ on a website!”)

Anyway… eagles migrate through New Jersey. I kid you not.

Wow! Free time is over already. I have another meeting to catch. Bye.

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

1.) I was worried for you. Leaving the house wasn’t something you did very often. You didn’t even go out to get the mail. She did it when she came each night. She even dragged the garbage to the front of the house every week. I knew that you spent most of your day in front of the computer. Each morning I heard the soundtrack of your life, that classic Windows start up musak. On the days that I was home, I could hear your desk chair squeaking and rolling about. Late into the night, I could hear your insane laughter. What the hell were you two doing up there?? I have to admit, my imagination got the best of me and I pictured things that would make Hugh Hefner blush! But I didn’t hear her laughter as much. Hmmm. I’m glad now that it appears that you’ve gotten a job. I’m glad for both of us. I don’t have to suffer from an obscene fancy (as much) and you are out and about in the great big world.

2.) I love your poses. I love the poses I make you do. Remember the time I took photos of you? You were such a sport! You didn’t complain even once, while I twisted your figure into unthinkable positions. Was I too rough? We’ll have to do that again sometime.

3.) I was amazed! Your hands were so fast! Your timing was impeccable! You made it look effortless! I hate you! I love you! I envy you! I wish I could play my drums the way you play yours!

4.) Keep trying. Keep practicing. You will get it! You can learn it. You can do it. I admire your diligence and your vision. Perhaps I underestimate you too often.

5.) I almost feel like I should apologize. But I don’t like you enough for that. Besides, what I feel about you never manifested itself in my behavior towards you. Let me tell you. I hated the way you would inconsiderately barge into my “personal zone”. Every time you stretched your long arms and nearly clipped my nose, I wanted to smash your baby face with my $120 Small Business Management book, then tell the professor, “I slipped!” Damn it! You went through the whole semester without even buying the book! If we ever happen to have a class together in the future, PLEASE DO NOT SIT NEAR ME!

6.) You are awesome, caring, intelligent, genuine, fun, creative, thoughtful, short enough, tall enough, adventurous, appreciative, supportive, and damn sexy!

Can you come out and play?

7.) Thanks for letting me swipe the icon! I take back all the mean things I’ve ever said about people from Michigan. Wait… I don’t think I’ve said anything mean about Michiganites. Michiganonians? Looks like a disease.

Okay. I take back the disease remark.

8.) I think you are an evil psycho bitch and I hate what you do to your own children and to their father. He is one of my best friends ever and a decent guy. If hell turns out to be true, I hope you wake up there with a giant spotted ogre, whose breath smells worse than Newark, who is covered with oozing cankerous sores, who loves to listen to Celine Dion at full volume, and who has a giant sexual passion for your nether parts! Enjoy your stay and pray for lubrication!

9.) Tell me the truth? Do you pirates really drink the “spiced” rum? I’m thinking you drink a more manly rum and promote this one for us landlubbers. It sure is damned good! Inspirational too! Where do you think the spotted ogre came from?

10.) I miss you. It was all too soon. Sixty-six was all too young. I wish I would have been in the habit of telling you I loved you BEFORE you got sick. Christmas is coming. I’d like to postpone it until I can find a way to get to where you are and bring you back here with the rest of us. I wish we were closer while you were still here. I wish I wasn’t so angry at you when I was young. I wish I knew how to forgive you back then. I still regret that you were not a very open or affectionate man. Most of what I would have liked to know about our roots died with you. You were the last of the generation before mine. I wish you didn’t take all of your secrets with you. I could have used some of them. But all of that is okay. Thankfully, I did learn to forgive you even before you got sick. I’m happy about that. And I always knew that you never resented my anger. Thank you. I hope that one day we will stand face to face again. Then you can tell me EVERYTHING. Most of all, I just want to hear you call me “Sammy” again.

(This was written to 10 different people.)