The View

20040121viewfrommywindow

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

The view from my new bedroom window…

Speaking of windows… we finally bought a few curtains for my room and T’s room. Doing so was an exercise in frustration! T found something he liked fairly quickly. I had problems. Drapery issues. You see, I have a double window on the side of the room facing the street and a single window that looks out on the view above. Among the curtains at the store, I found either a color/design that I liked that would fit the double window and couldn’t find a matching set for the single window, or the other way around. After many mumbled curses on my part and a chorus of moans and growns from my sons which grew steadily and began to sound like a death chant, I came across sheer burgundy drapes sold in single panel packages. Problem solved. One panel for the single window, two for the double. And the burgundy goes well with the drum set! What else matters? (They also match the spiffy outfits in my Partridge Family photo. I’ll explain the photo some other time.)

“I AM AN ARTISTE” (Interview Responses – Part 4)

20040119artiste

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

RECENTLY I completed an interview for an online forum that I participate in. I decided to post my responses to four out of the five interview questions on my site as well. This is the fourth of four journal entries based on these questions.

QUESTION 4. You do a lot of photography and reading and have recently gotten back into playing the drums. Are there any other hobbies you’ve pursued in the past and abandoned or any you’re considering adding to your roster of activities? What do you like best about these pursuits?

My personality leans heavily towards the creative side. My mom always encouraged this and is very creative herself. By the age of 3 or 4, I was banging on her pots and pans and making music. Reading was always encouraged at home as well. As soon as I could read, my mom was supplying books. I’ve dabbled in various crafts over the years: drawing, painting, wood burning, scrimshaw, calligraphy, crotchet, model rocketry. Some of them I suck at. Some of them I’m good at. I just don’t have time for all of them.

As you said, I recently got back into playing the drums. Formerly, I played from the age of 10 or 11 until I was into my 20s. I set it aside for a while in order to devote myself to my kids mainly. Selling my old drum set just killed me. I missed it. Once, I went to a music store, bought a new pair of sticks and said, “One day I will play again.” Last May, 18 years after I stopped playing, I bought a new set and started to polish my skills again. There were a lot of years to make up for! After several months of practice, I auditioned for a few bands and started playing with one in November 2003. We recently spent some time in a studio to record a demo cd. So, after 18 years, I went at it with a vengeance. I’m having a blast with it.

During those years of not playing drums, I taught myself to play guitar to some extent (I play guitar like a drummer. It’s all rhythm!). I spent some time writing songs and singing/playing on my own. This kind of fell to the side after my second divorce. After joining the band, I’ve had a renewed desire to pick up my guitar again and write songs. A good friend and I have been talking about writing some songs together that would be performed in an acoustic folk sort of way. It will be the opposite of the ear-splitting, in-your-face rock-n-roll that I am playing with the band. This is one activity that I am eager to add to the roster.

What I like best about these pursuits is that they somehow make me feel more complete as a person. They feel like an extension of who I am. When I sat down at the drum set for the first time after all those years, I was ME again. Something came to life again. It’s the same thing with writing. It is who I am. I don’t know how not to write. I’ve been told that I write well. But I feel like I don’t care all that much. I have to write. If I didn’t write I wouldn’t be me and my head would explode from having no outlet for all these crazy ideas. Same for photography. It’s an extension of who I am and how I look at things around me. It all feels quite natural. There is enjoyment in sharing these things with others. There is some enjoyment in being recognized in some of these things. It feels good to have one’s ego stroked now and then. But ultimately the thing I enjoy the most is that feeling that I am more myself when I do these things and to neglect them is to diminish myself as a person. I could play my drums for hours and hours all by myself for the sheer pleasure of playing. But do applaud if you happen to be standing outside listening!

THE END

Morning Photos

20040119morning1

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

There was a thumbnail-crescent moon above the southeastern horizon when I left for work this morning. This photo was taken around 7:15 AM. I am sure the sky was a deeper blue just 30 minutes earlier. The photo would have had a much deeper color if I had taken it then. (Both of these photos are a little fuzzy because I took them while driving. I know, I know… Just don’t tell my mom. She worries.)

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This road approaching my office would have been a good spot for sunrise photos this morning. If I had more time I could have stopped and taken some decent shots of the sun shining through the trees and onto the snowy road. However, seeing as I have more things to move from my mom’s house and there is “band camp” tonight, I needed to get to work early in order to have time for these things later. My dream is to support myself through writing/photography/music. Then I can chase all the sunrises and sunsets that I want. For now… back to my wage-slave life.

“COME AND SEE THE SHOW!” (Interview Responses – Part 3)

20040118circus

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

RECENTLY I completed an interview for an online forum that I participate in. I decided to post my responses to four out of the five interview questions on my site as well. This is the third of four journal entries based on these questions.

QUESTION 3. You’ve got more kids than most people I know and have been a single parent to some of them during parts of their lives. What are some of the highs and lows you’ve had along the way being a dad? Are you one big happy family when everyone is together? Do the kids know you journal online?

The lowest of the lows for me is that I am running this circus on my own. I work. I fix the car. I shovel the snow. I lift the heavy objects and open the lids on jars. I also change the diapers, sew the holes in the clothes, put the Band-Aids on, pick out the curtains, arrange the flowers. When I was married I did many of those things anyway. I never thought, “You wash the dishes. That’s a woman’s job. I’m gonna go pull the transmission outta my Dodge Ram.” The point is that, as a single dad, I don’t have the choice to not do some things because there is no one else to do it if I don’t.

There are things I’ve had to do that a woman would have done a much better job at, especially when it comes to caring for little girls. The hair is the hard part! A little girl can’t go to school every day with all of her hair pulled back over her head into one big pony tail because that is all dad can manage. I’ve had to adapt. I can braid and do some semi-fancy hair tricks now. I’ve also gone from not seeing much of a need for curtains if you have shades, to having an eye for curtains that actually compliment the living room furniture. I think I’ve also gained a type of “motherly” gentleness in relating to my kids. They know that they can come to me for comfort and understanding. I never had that with my dad when I was a kid.

At this point, when my three oldest children are all teenagers who have had a fairly rough life because of their mother’s alcoholism, a very big high for me is to hear compliments about my kids from other people. To hear how responsible my 17-year-old daughter is in school and at work gives me satisfaction. To hear how good-natured my 16-year-old son is and how he often steps in to make peace among his peers rather than promoting or simply ignoring strife and potential violence, makes me proud. All of my kids are well behaved. I could brag about them forever. Sure, they have had their “moments” and have gotten into some petty trouble in school and whatnot. But overall they are turning out to be good people, sincere people, and people who realize that life is often difficult and you have to be flexible and persistent if you want to survive.

Another high is that we love to have fun. We are a crazy bunch! We blow the horn and wave to people as we are driving just to see if they wave back. We play football with rolls of Scott toilet paper in the store. We put music on at home and dance like various animals. We laugh like idiots while watching stupid movies. We are all rather witty and can find something to laugh at in almost any situation. I have to admit that I sort of provoke it all most of the time. I have to set an example as a dad. Right? I figure that if we don’t have a sense of humor, the difficulties in our circumstances will overwhelm us.

So I think I answered the one part of that question. Yes, we are one big happy family when we are together. My youngest daughters live with my second wife in Georgia now. That is a world away from New Jersey. That situation is a tremendous low for all of us. Yet, when the girls come here, the bond between everyone is very strong. They were only 1 and 3 when we separated. They lived in West Virginia at the time and I made that 400-mile trip 20 times in 1997 to insure that there would be a bond between all of the children. Now I see the fruit of that effort. I would drive the miles, and cry the tears, and experience the broken-heartedness again and again if I had to. Bonds of love that are not weakened by hundreds of miles of separation are sweet fruit.

The kids know that I journal online. They get a kick out of it. They know that I write about them. They know I might tell some semi-embarrassing stories involving them and sometimes post some unflattering photos. But they know I will never betray them. I often talk with them about things that I write and about reactions that I receive from readers. They understand that writing and photography are passions for me. They know when I have something stewing in my brain and I’m a little distracted. They are used to having me suddenly pull the car over to the side of the road and jumping out with my camera to catch something that caught my eye. Creativity is part of my life. I am open with the kids about my endeavors and ideas so that they will develop their own creativity as well. My website is one main medium in which I express my creativity. They have always known about it and have been encouraged to pursue their own projects because of it.

PART 4 TOMORROW!

Snowed in on a Sunday

20040118snow

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

Nothing like being snowed in on a Sunday!

Well… I was able to go out in the afternoon to do some laundry. Then I went to my mom’s to upload this since I have no internet connection at my new place yet.