Can Do/Can’t Do

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

I found this at a park recently. It was lying on top of a garbage can. It is dated June 1, 2006.

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Now I am curious. Was this fellow able to work things out? Why are there arrows by #4 and #5 on the “Can Do” list? Why is he “trying” to be honest? Why is that a struggle? Did he previously fail at being faithful?

And what’s up with Katie? What’s with the “sudden anger?” Is she really that authoritative? Why is she attacking him and dishonoring him in front of the children? What kind of surveillance? Cameras? Phone tapping? Web cams in the house? Is she really this much of a bitch? Or has she been hurt because he didn’t try hard enough at being honest and faithful in the past?

I wonder if he thought of the quote on page two himself or if his therapist said it. I wonder if he and Katie took it to heart and gave it their best effort?

I wonder where they are now and if he threw this page away after two years because things were resolved or because things were beyond repair and he finally canned it.

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There’s Been a Bear Sighting!

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

People wrote after reading yesterday’s post about bear droppings below. (Yes, bears, like everyone else, drop from below.) Writers asked why I had no pictures of the bear itself, even though I had pictures of its excrement! The explanation of which is truly a fecal matter.

All dung jokes aside, readers may now relieve themselves, or rather be relieved that the bear has been sighted and captured through the marvel of modern technology, the digital camera. Here he is:

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Beary frightening! Wouldn’t you say?

And audacious! I caught him red-handed doo-ing it again!

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I said, “Bring it on, yo!” and got my furry face all up in his bear-ded mug.

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“That’s right! You better run, Boo Boo!”

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Does a Bear Sh*t in the Woods?

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

Does a bear sh*t in the woods?

The answer is…

No! He sh*ts in Sam Snyder’s back yard!

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Those are not M&Ms! They are berries! (And you thought for a second that the picture looks appetizing! No, really. It’s okay to admit it.)

I think the bear pooed in my yard out of spite because he can’t get into my garbage can anymore.

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That’s right, ladies and gents, BUNGEE CORDS! A man’s second best friend, just behind duct tape. There are scratch marks on the top of the can. That sucker was trying to get in! But I am smarter than the average bear! (Although, one may wonder about the intelligence of someone who posts pictures of bear crap on their website.)