What a Nut

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

I arrived at work this morning, found a tangerine on my desk.Turns out someone left it because it reminded them of a testicle. What a nut!

Drownding

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

“Drownding”? What the heck is “drownding” and why are you saying it to someone on the phone right now, may I aks? It’s expecially annoying.

Because THAT is Sexy!

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

There is a law in New Jersey: you are not allowed to wear a bulletproof vest while committing a sexual assault. Damn! Because THAT is sexy!

“Excuse me while I slip into something a little more… protective.”

“Ooooo…. I love it when you wear Kevlar!”

Phlegm Lake

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

Two pounds of snot up my left nostril, a bucketload up my right, and the great Phlegm Lake pressing against the damn that is my forehead.