Untitled
(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)
The Building, 3011 AD
(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)
Tropical Storm Hannah
(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)
They named a storm after my daughter.
She reached New Jersey this weekend and dumped a lot of rain on us.
But the next day was sunny and pleasant. Thanks to Hannah.
Dunged
(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)
Yesterday on a sunny afternoon…
Driving down a country road…
“Hey, Tim, did you see that? It looked like a purse in the middle of the road.”
“Really?”
Slamming the car in reverse and backing up to check it out…
“Yeah, it is a purse. Cool! Maybe I don’t need to go to the ATM for cash after all!”
Stepping out of the car…
“Watch it be full of shit! There are probably kids hiding in the corn over there watching.”
“Damn… it’s heavy. I wonder what’s in it.”
Squeezing the bottom of the purse…
“It’s squishy and warm!”
“Open it!”
“OH MAN! THERE IS SHIT IN IT! SOMEBODY GOT ME GOOD!”
Driving away laughing and wondering…
“Somebody is probably watching from one of those houses and laughing right now!”
In the rearview mirror… a kid runs out from the corn and moves the purse back to the middle of the lane.
Jamming on the breaks…
“What are you doing??”
“I’m going back! That little fucker got me!”
“What are you going to do??”
One moment later… jumping from the car…
“OK, YOU PECKERHEADS!! WHERE ARE YA! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE… AH HA! I SEE YOU! YOU GOT ME, MAN! YOU GOT ME! I’M USUALLY THE GUY PLAYING TRICKS ON OTHER PEOPLE! BUT YOU GOT ME THIS TIME!”
A kid comes out of the corn… his face beaming…
“Did ya open it?? Did ya look inside?? THERE’S COW SHIT IN THERE!”
“I peeked inside. Now I can’t wait to get home and wash my hands!”
Tim is out of the car now…
“Ha! That’s great! I can tell you guys have seen The Mighty Ducks!”
“Yeah! Yesterday, we filled an old suitcase full of cow shit and left it by the road. Some guy stopped and threw it in the back of his truck without looking in it and left! Ha! Bet he was surprised when he got home!”
“Man, this is hilarious! I feel like hiding in the corn with you guys and watching all the other dumb people stop!”
A second kid emerges from the corn…
“Dude, just so you know… you REALLY made our day!”
From the corn comes a camera crew and Aston Kutcher…
“Sammy, you’ve been DUNGED!”
Real Men Sew
(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)
Real men sew…
… with DUCT TAPE! Oh yeah!
SOMEBODY’s got to sew the kid’s name on the back of his jersey. It might as well be me who bloodies their fingers.
I used a needle and thread in addition to the tape. Taping is definitely much easier than trying to get that thread through that tiny needle eye. (I was informed by one of the ladies at work that “embroidery” needles were the wrong ones and is probably part of the reason it took me 2 hours just to sew half of it last night.)
I thought about leaving the tape on his shirt. That would convey a “real man” attitude when he’s on the field. “Whoa… watch out for #44! That kid’s messing with duct tape already!”
“Yeah, but I hear his granddaddy is a SEWER!” (Wait… that word looks like something else. Ew.)