Browse Tag: Christianity

October Second

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Where I Was in 1990

October 2 was a Tuesday in 1990. Tuesdays are always a tough day of the week. Aren’t they? When I recall the words I wrote in this song, I remember that particular October 2 as being a tough day for me. I remember singing this song, perfecting it, while at work. I was working at a milk processing plant back then. We called it “the dairy.” I pasteurized the milk, unloaded the tanker trucks, washed the storage tanks. There was a section in the pasteurizing area that was a narrow hallway between storage tanks. It was out of the way and isolated, a good spot to be alone while cleaning those tanks. I remember working in that area on the day I wrote this song. There were some very tough situations happening in my life then. I remember singing this, praying, crying a bit – all while cleaning the components of the storage tanks and rigging up the stainless steel pipes to the cleaning system. I prayed a lot at that time of my life.

I wrote a lot of songs back then. I played guitar and sang at church, often leading the worship services at a small Christian and Missionary Alliance Church. I sometimes sang at other churches. My drive was to worship Jesus and share what I had experienced of His working in my life. Most of the songs I wrote tended to be prayers.

Our church had a Bible study on Tuesday evenings, usually in the home of a couple that lived in Easton, PA. While writing this I struggled a bit to remember their names. After all, it was 30 years ago. But my memory is still quite neater than the paper in the photo above and I recalled the names of Ken and Bernie fairly quickly. I have no idea what that brown stuff is on that paper. It’s not coffee. I didn’t drink coffee 30 years ago.

It was at one of those Tuesday night Bible studies at Ken and Bernie’s house where I first sang this song to people. There were maybe a dozen of us gathered in their living room. We used to start those gatherings with singing and prayer. I must have asked if I could share my song with them that night. I wrote about it in my journal when I got home that night.

Tuesday, October 2, 1990
10:05 PM

Our Bible study was really good tonight. The singing was pretty good. I really tried to concentrate on worshipping the Lord from my heart. I know that there are sins in my heart. But I really want that to change. I really want to have a clean heart before God. And as we sang, I prayed for that tonight.

I also sang a new song that I just wrote today. It’s hot off the press! Here it is:

Oh Lord, please light my way
Holy Spirit please strengthen my soul
Let me hear Your voice once more
I just need to know
That no matter how dark the night may seem
No matter how distant I feel from You
No matter how low I may sink in despair
You still love me
You still love me.

Can it be that You love us
When all our sins You know?
But You take those sins, so scarlet red
And You make us white as snow
The tears of joy do fall
And how it thrills me so!
You loved me enough to die, my Lord
By Your word now I know:
That these voices that whisper
Such lies to my heart
Are but ghosts that vanish
In the light of Your truth
You faithfully prove
Time and time again
That You still love me
You still love me.

Sometimes when I get down and I feel far away from God (usually from my own rebellion from Him), I have to remind myself that God still loves me. And His will is to heal the pains in my heart, to heal the wounds that my sin has made and to lead me on to a life of wholeness in Christ.

Incidentally, I couldn’t think of a title for my new song. So at the Bible study we decided to call it “October 2nd” since it was written on that day.

I have thought about this song many times on October 2nd. Through years of wandering far away from God, on October 2, I often remembered how there was a day back in my 20s when I poured out my heart to God. Because the song was title “October 2nd,” that made it stick in my mind on that date through the years. It has served as a reminder to my wandering self that I once lived close to Jesus and that I needed to return there.

When I wrote “October 2, 2022” in my journal this morning, again this song returned. This time, after moving and reorganizing things two years ago, I knew where to find those original lyrics written on that old messy paper. This time, after having been touched by Jesus to return close to him in February 2021 while reorganizing things, I am warmed by reading again the context in which this song was written.

I smile to think how it was a group effort to give a title to the song. I’ve lost touch with the people from that church. At least three of them have passed away to my knowledge. That particular church no longer exists. I wonder where Ken and Bernie are.

“Lord Jesus, You are the Good Shepherd. You will keep all of Your sheep. None shall be lost. May all of us who gathered at that home in Easton on October 2, 1990 be blessed by You today. Remind each of us of Your love, of forgiveness through Your blood, and of Your faithfulness which is the same despite our years of wandering. Indeed, Lord, Your faithfulness endures forever. Thank You, Jesus. Amen.”

My Shepherd

Shepherd

This is a short chapter titled “The Christian’s Shepherd” from the book The Christian by William S. Plumer. It was first published in 1878.newrestfunerals.co.uk

“He leadeth me.” – I certainly need some one to lead me. I am so poor, so blind, so weak, so foolish that, if left to myself, I must fatally err. For a long time I required the help of nurses and the guidance of parents and teachers; and when I ceased to have these, I needed God’s help as much as ever. It is not in man that walketh to direct his steps. We have in our language hardly any form of speech that expresses a sadder state than when we say of a man, “He is awfully left to himself.” Lord, never leave me nor forsake me, lest I be undone.

Then He leadeth me so gently. Even when all around is uproar and confusion, I am carried along almost as if there was no commotion in the world. When God gives peace, who can make perturbation? The Lord is more true in His friendship than a brother, more pitiful than a father, more loving than a mother, more gently than a woman. He doth not afflict willingly. Nor does the Lord ever lead me otherwise than wisely. He makes no mistakes. He knows the way I ought to go. He knows how much sweet and how much bitter are best for me. He understands me fully. He knows my spirit would fail before Him if I were dealt with severely. Oh, how He mingles mercy with judgment!

True, He leads me often in a mysterious way. I see not the end from the beginning. I can not see afar off. If I perfectly comprehended all God’s ways, I think I should be capable of guiding myself, at least to some extent. When all His waves and billows go over me, how can I tell anything? Would Jacob, or Joseph, or Bunyan, or Rogers have chosen the way the Lord led them? Have not the saints long been crying, “O Lord, how long?” His footsteps are in the sea; clouds and darkness are round about Him. He giveth account of none of his matters. His judgments are a great deep. But He never does wrong. He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness. Righteousness and judgment are the habitation of His throne. In review of all the past I can truly say, “Thou hast dealt well with Thy servant, O Lord. I know that in faithfulness Thou hast afflicted me.”

Then He leads me always: in prosperity and in adversity; in joy and in sorrow; when alone and when surrounded by others. If He left me even for an hour I should be undone. When I sleep, Thou, Lord, keepest vigil over me. When I awake, I am still with Thee. On the land and on the sea I am kept by the mighty power of God.

He leadeth me, and I will trust Him. He deserves my entire confidence. It is my sin and my folly that I am so slow of heart to repose confidence in Him. I will try to do better. Lord, give me the heritage of them that seek shelter under the shadow of Thy wings. Thou art my Shield, my Refuge, my Strong Rock, my God and Saviour.

He leadeth me, and I will follow Him. I will put my hand in His, and go wherever His prudence shall direct. Never yet has He brought me into needless trouble. When affliction has gained its end, relief, in some form, has come. I will mark His footsteps, and go right forward. He will guide me by His counsel, and afterward receive me to glory. Oh, well, if glory is to follow sorrow and anguish, I will say no more:

“The path of sorrow, and that path alone,
Leads to the land where sorrows are unknown.”

I must be content that He should have His way. My will is the will of a worm, a fool, a sinner. “Not my will, but Thine be done, O God.” I care not what comes if the end be eternal life – everlasting repose in the bosom of God. Guide me on and up and through, O Lord. Be Thou on my right hand and my left by day and by night. Strengthen me with strength in my soul.

(Photo from Pexels.com. Credit to Kailash Kumar.)

These Things Ought Not So To Be

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I’m all outta love, bro.

The utter absence of real charity and love among men in the days when our Lord was upon earth ought not to be overlooked. Well would it be if men had never quarreled about religion after He left the world! Quarrels among the crew of a sinking ship are not more hideous, unseemly, and irrational than the majority of quarrels among professors of religion. A historian might truly apply St. John’s words [“For the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans” – John 4:9] to many a period in church history, and say, “The Romanists [Catholics] have no dealings with the Protestants,” or “the Lutherans have no dealings with the Calvinists,” or “the Calvinists have no dealings with the Arminians,” or “the Episcopalians have no dealings with the Presbyterians,” or “the Baptists have no dealings with those who baptize infants,” or “the Plymouth Brethren have no dealings with anybody who does not join their company.” These things ought not so to be. They are the scandal of Christianity, the joy of the devil, and the greatest stumbling-block to the spread of the Gospel.

So wrote J. C. Ryle, an Anglican bishop, in 1869. Things are still the same today.

I’ve been guilty of this attitude. There have been many times in my past as a Christian where I was content to stay within the bubble of those who believed exactly what I believed. Everyone outside the bubble was wrong, or less serious about their faith, or maybe just evil. And by “everyone” I mean others who professed to be Christians.

I’m embarrassed by my past attitude. It’s not like I had always and consistently been that way. I had been quite charitable mostly. But I got sucked up into the club of exclusivity. It was cold, stark, unlike Jesus Christ. Ultimately, I got away from it, but fell extremely far away from Jesus too.

There are former associates of mine who, if they knew where I worship now and the respect I have for the community of Christians to which God has brought me, would see my current involvement with these folks as proof that I never had true faith and it was fitting that I was excommunicated from a church in 1999.

Did I just say that out loud? Yes, excommunicated. Not for matters of faith, but for conduct. Maybe someday I’ll write about that. But I’ll have to charge for that blog post. Save up your money to pay for a Substack subscription.

Truly, I am grateful that Jesus has led my family and me to a community of sincere believers. I pray that He will help me to serve my brothers and sisters, to love and honor them, to learn from them. And I pray that He will prevent me from forming any bubble here in order that I could love and fellowship with all I may encounter who have the Spirit of Christ living in them.