Browse Category: Movies

I CAN’T SLEEP

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(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

I cannot sleep. I tried and I tried. I read. I tossed and I turned. I stared at the clock and watched the amount of time I had left before work shrink and shrink.

Then I got up, somewhere around 12:30 AM.

“What did you do?” you ask.

I re-potted plants.

“What? Are you crazy?”

Yes, but that’s beside the point.

I remembered that there was a “Snake Plant” that I wanted to thin out and re-pot. It was outside. So, I shuffled out there in the late October chill air, in my old sleeping shorts, a t-shirt, and my two-year-old bedroom slippers that are now splitting at the seems. To my great nocturnal pleasure, I found that the Snake Plant had produced new shoots. They were perfect!

Being that it was too chilly outside for mid-night gardening, I moved operations to the basement.

“What? Are you a doctor?”

Not those kinds of operations.

I found a partial bag of potting soil outside the basement door at the bottom of the outside steps. I dug up a couple of decent pots. Next, I disentangled the roots of the shoots. (If I were wearing boots I could make a rhyme like Seuss. But I was wearing slippers. Do you remember? Soon they will be “trippers” without a mender.)

“You ARE crazy!”

Yeah, well, it is now 2 AM. Tick tock. Tick tock. Work is inching closer.

All rhyming aside, I scooped the soil into the pots, installed the plants, and swept up the mess.

A little farming should make anyone tired. Right? But just in case, I made a cup of chamomile tea.

“Oh! Just like Peter Rabbit!”

Well, sort of. Peter’s mom gave it to him because he was a naughty, fat, little rabbit who ate Mr. McGregor’s plants (Rabbits are evil! Don’t believe me? Just watch this!). I made some for myself because it’s supposed to make you sleepy.

Poppycock (as the Brits in that video would say)! That was over an hour ago and I’m still wide awake! I’m so wired it’s as if somebody slipped me a massive load of caffeine somewhere along the way tonight. I don’t know what else to do with myself. More gardening? Mow the lawn? Watch a Monty Python movie?

Hey… now there’s an idea! Just as soon as I plaster this jibber jabber on the internet, I’m going to crank up the dvd player and watch me a good ol’ silly movie. If nothing else, it will give me a reason to smile when I walk into the office at 9 AM – something in addition to the delirious smile sleep deprivation usually plants on my face.

And now I bid you happy tidings
As in your beds you’re tucked and hiding
I cannot sleep, tis how I am
There is no sleep for Sam I Am.

Hairspray

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

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I took my younger daughters (11 and 13 now) to see the movie HAIRSPRAY last night.

There is something comically disturbing about John Travolta disguised as an obese, reclusive mother of an obese and overtly charming teenage daughter. While listening to all her (his?) motherly advice, there was constantly the thought in my mind, “That is Travolta! That is Danny Zuko! That is Vinnie Barbarino, for crying out loud!” Since when is he a mom??

And married to Christopher Walken?? Thank God they didn’t kiss in their dance scene! Big Travolta in drag making out with nearly sickly-thin Walken would have been too much for my brain! After all, Walken is “Bruce Dickenson”, the “More Cowbell” guy. You know, “I got a fever, and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!” What, is he now yelling, “MORE TRAVOLTA! MORE TRAVOLTA!”??? Ewwww.

You don’t get that reference? Watch this:

SNL – More Cowbell skit

Now, apart from Travolta heeby jeebies, we all thought the movie was GREAT! In all fairness, Travolta was great too. The fact that you knew it was Travolta underneath added to the comedy. Much of the singing and dancing was very good, and I’m not real big on musicals. The parodies of 60’s styles and mindsets were good too. As compared to the original Hairspray movie, there was relievingly less making out, only a few kisses. I was concerned on the way to the movie when my 13 year old said, “I hope there won’t be as much making out in this one. They were all giving each other hickies in the first one!”

Why does my little girl know what a hickie is???

Of course, one of the main themes in Hairspray is the issue of racism, akin to the issue of society’s rejection… or possibly worse… it’s ignoring of obese people. Human beings have a shamefully immense practice of valuing other people purely on their appearance! What does the color of your skin have to do with who you REALLY are? The color of your skin may influence who you become through your life because of society’s treatment, better, mistreatmnet of you. But the fact that you are white, black, yellow, red, or, my personal favorite, magenta, has nothing to do with the intrinsic value of your character. And there is a lot of labeling based on skin color that goes on in this country. When you talk about someone of a different color than yours, do you simply refer to them as “Jane” or “Harry” or the “doctor” or what they are? Or do you tag on “the black girl,” “the Puerto Rican guy”? Why do we distinguish people based on something they have no control over rather than on their basic character?

And isn’t this the point of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s dream?

My philosophy on racism is one of “transparency”. Colors do not matter. You are not black. And I am not white. Value me according to my inner character. I’ll do the same for you.

Go see Hairspray. I think it’s worth it.

I Forgot to Warn You

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

A Wonka-ish email exchange with a co-worker concerning the “Toe Jam” picture (Click here if you really want to see it.)…

samsnyder@BIGcorporation.com: I forgot to warn you about the ugly foot picture.

co-worker@BIGcorporation.com: You are a little late…I’m vomiting over here in my garbage can!

samsnyder@BIGcorporation.com: what? don’t like mulberries?

co-worker@BIGcorporation.com: Looks more like a shnozberry to me!

samsnyder@BIGcorporation.com: THAT’s funny! Ha! I’m picturing that girl in the [Wonka] movie licking my toe!

co-worker@BIGcorporation.com: EEEEEEW!

samsnyder@BIGcorporation.com: If I ever jam my nose that bad I’ll have to write about it being a SHNOZberry.

co-worker@BIGcorporation.com: That would be interesting…how would you jam your nose?

samsnyder@BIGcorporation.com: I think drinking would have to be involved.

co-worker@BIGcorporation.com: Sounds like you are drinking already… [go] read your last e-mail…

samsnyder@BIGcorporation.com: Shounds like WHOsh dwinking alweady?

I AM PLAIDMAN!

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(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

Whoa! Check out the shirt!

Can’t you just hear the bagpipes playing in the background? Here comes William Wallace now!

Someone commented that I looked like I should be working on a farm. Maybe that’s not such a bad idea!

Hey, I got the shirt for $5 at J. C. Penny’s. What can I say? (When I wore the other $5 shirt, someone else said I looked like I should be wearing snakeskin boots and working in a rodeo.) The only days in my life I am caught wearing a shirt like this are Fridays, “Casual” Fridays.

“And here’s Sam coming down the red carpet, casually sporting a traditional Scottish print top by Tommy MacHilfiger and the consistently popular and corporately acceptable navy blue Dockers by Levi McStrauss.”

“Ah yes, Joan! And what better day to be in such befitting attire than today, Flag Day!”

Wait… Flag Day?

Yes, that’s what the calendar on my desk says. Check it out:

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But what does the “M” stand for? Where is “M”?

Let us consult Google…

Here is a list of “M” countries, along with images of their flags:

  • 22px-flag_of_macedonia-svg – Macedonia
  • 22px-flag_of_madagascar-svg – Madagascar
  • 22px-flag_of_malawi-svg – Malawi
  • 22px-flag_of_malaysia-svg – Malaysia
  • 22px-flag_of_maldives-svg – Maldives
  • 22px-flag_of_mali-svg – Mali
  • 22px-flag_of_malta-svg – Malta
  • 22px-flag_of_mauritania-svg – Mauritania
  • 22px-flag_of_mauritius-svg – Mauritius
  • 22px-flag_of_mexico-svg – Mexico
  • 22px-flag_of_micronesia-svg – Micronesia
  • 22px-flag_of_moldova-svg – Moldova
  • 22px-flag_of_monaco-svg – Monaco
  • 22px-flag_of_mongolia-svg – Mongolia
  • 22px-flag_of_morocco-svg – Morocco
  • 22px-flag_of_mozambique-svg – Mozambique
  • 22px-flag_of_myanmar-svg – Myanmar

So, which one? Is it chocolate Malta? Smoking Mauritania? Maldives in your Cosmopolitan? Micronesia, when you can’t remember the small things? Macedonia nut?

I like Madagascar. That was a funny movie!

So, happy Flag Day to the Madagascarians! (“Madagascarians” – container toting, angry motorists who ran out of gas?) Wear your colors proudly!

One final word, courtesy of Dove chocolate… I found this inside one of their wrappers today:

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Awww! Thanks! How sweet of you!

Me and my plaids are outta here! Bye!

OF PIXIES AND FLUFFERNUTTERS

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(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

One of the pitfalls of fatherhood, at least fatherhood with two young daughters in the hood, is “Fairytopia.” Ah, yes… nothing like a good movie starring… uh… none other than Barbie! Yikes! Gee whiz… she’s walking like she has a 50 pound stainless steel plate in her lower back. And her forearms are definitely too long and a tad too thin. I’m not sure what exactly is going on at this point in the movie. It seems that the pixies are losing their ability to fly. Never a good sign. There is the typical evil fairy woman… with green hair and a wicked looking magic staff. She can’t be all that evil though. She just offered fluffernutter sandwiches to her captives! No kidding. This movie is looking up. Life is always so much better when peanut butter and marshmallow are involved. And with that, I suppose I can say, “That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it!”