Browse Category: Social Commentary

As Graceful as a Gorilla

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

So, yesterday I got slapped up side the head by a migraine. I suspected one would be coming any day now. I’ve been pushing myself and not getting much rest lately. So I wasn’t surprised when this one came along just after 1 in the afternoon, just after lunch and just before I spit in the face of the girl who sits next to me at work.


What happened was this…

I got a typical migraine that started off with blind spots. No big deal. It’s only half of my field of vision that gets wiped out. I stood up to get my migraine medicine out of my drawer. Big old pretty green and white capsules. The girl who sits next to me at work happened to be standing up in her cube, looked at me over the wall and said, “Man! You look bad!” I said that I just got a migraine, popped a capsule in my mouth and took a big mouthful of Arizona peach iced tea. I second later, while still looking at the girl who sits next to me at work just a few feet away from me, I gagged on the pill and sprayed her in the face with the iced tea. Oops! The look on her face was classic! But I felt like a moron! I couldn’t apologize enough for the rest of the day and all day today.

So now I am the target of tasteless spit remarks at work.

“Hey! You’re the spitting image of…”

“If you don’t do as I, the team leader, say, I’ll spit in your eye.”

“Maybe we need to build the walls of his cube higher or put a plexiglass spit shield all the way around the top of his cube.”

Ha ha. Very funny. No one seems to care that once I nearly died in the office while choking on one of my migraine pills. Go read about it here.

* * * * *
We had a department Christmas party at a nearby firehouse yesterday afternoon. It was a good time. The food was great. The wine was great. The desserts were great. The wine was great. The dancing was great. The wine was great. The dancing got even better because the wine was great.

I was feeling pretty wiped out by the time I got to the party. The girl who sits next to me at work and I had to park about five towns away by the time we got there. Well, it felt like that far away when we walked through the cold air. But we figured that was our punishment for not running at lunch lately. It was good to hang out and talk with some people. Eventually, after the proper amount of wine, I did get out on the dance floor for a little bit. But I was about as graceful as a gorilla with two wooden legs and faulty equilibrium. It was fun to be out there with some of the crazies and to have a certain fine young lady dance around me. “I’m just gonna stand here and look sexy while you dance around me, baby.” Right on.

* * * * *
It is a well known maxim of the ages…

“One’s perception of his own sexiness increases in exponential proportion to one’s intake of alcohol.”

The same can be said of a man’s perception of the women around him invariably in nearly every social setting known to science.

* * * * *
It is another well known maxim of the ages…

“With increased intake of alcohol many ideas suddenly make complete sense.”

However, writing and sending an email to a girl after imbibing wine in a profuse and lengthy fashion may not be the best of ideas. Even if your intentions were sincere and free of all creepiness, she may yet be “freaked out” by the event. (And no, it won’t be due to your slurred typing alone.)

But I wouldn’t know by experience myself…

Posted at 9:00 PM (EST)


(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

Did you ever have one of those days that feel like nothing? There is nothing very significant that happens. There is nothing very important to take care of. Nothing. That’s how my day was today.

But you know that you don’t actually do NOTHING on days like this. Unless you are in a coma or something. You have to do SOMETHING.

So let me think about this. What did I actually do today?

First, I took my daughter to see the doctor. No big deal. But it gave me an opportunity to read.

So, I read numerous pages in “Hammer of the Gods.” It is interesting to see how American blues in the 1960s influenced many British rock artists. It is also interesting to see how many well known rock artists knew each other when they were young and starting out in various bands, sometimes playing together in the same bands, sometimes playing as session musicians on other groups’ recordings.

Next, my daughter and I went to the Spinning Wheel diner, had awesome sausage/potato/onion omelettes. Of course, we find plenty to laugh about when we are out like that. And they really should not seat us next to mirrors. We got a few looks from the “patrons” for being a little silly. Patrons. Bah.

Okay. Then I drove her to work. That’s it. Nothing funny or anything about that.

On my way back to the house, a friend of mine called and said she was nearby. So I went to meet her.

Since there are no Shop Rite stores where she lives, and she is addicted to diet Shop Rite cream soda (???), we went to Shop Rite. The place was packed. When did all of these stupid people move into my area? I mean heck! And people, let me just say, when you are making your way through a crowded aisle with only a small clear path to manuever through, DO NOT stop dead in your tracks to search through your purse for your coupons! I swear, the next time someone does that in front of me, I am dropping my cart into gear and running them right the heck over. Stupid people.

After the Shop Rite torture, we went to Circuit City for CDs and more torture. I picked up two blues CDs with various artists on them for less than $10. Deal! I saw a few artists on there that were mentioned in the book I’m reading. So I thought I would check them out. Little did I know that it would take forever and then some to check out at the cash register. My friend jumped into a different line. We each had about 4 people or so in front of us. She was all the way through with her things paid for and I was still standing in the same exact spot. They opened two other registers. So I jumped into one of them behind someone else. I had no idea that cashier was going to suddenly turn into Mr. I-Am-The-Slowest-Being-On-The-Planet! I saw that the other newly opened register had a clear line again. But when I started walking over, the girl there said, “Sorry. I’m closed again. They need me to help in the back.” I gave her that look that said, “If there were not quite so many witnesses here, you know I would rip your friggin voice box right out of your useless throat!” Since my day was nothing anyway, I just went back to where I started and waited.

Well, then I went home. I played my drums for a while. Ate a bagel. Ate a piece of peach pie. Read some more. Just nothing. Then I fell asleep for about three hours and woke up just in time to write about nothing and post it on the website before the end of the day so that I feel like I did SOMETHING.

Posted at 11:40 PM (EST)

Cynic or Realist?

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

1 son plus 4 impacted wisdom teeth multiplied by insurance carrier hassles squared = $400 out of my pocket up front.

Dang! That’s the deal. My son needs his wisdom teeth removed. He has some pain in his lower jaw. The oral surgeon has had problems dealing with my insurance carrier in the past. So, he wants 20% of the fee paid before he will operate. That is the amount I will probably be obligated to pay anyway. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to pay it all at once.

I was going to rag about my financial annoyances at this point. But I will spare you. We all have them. Don’t we?

* * * * *
Hey! Speaking of financial annoyances… Look who’s coming to town soon! Santa Spud!


I don’t know… I’m a little suspicious that the beard isn’t real.

Doesn’t he look like he’s being robbed?

“No! Please! Don’t shoot! Take the bag of gifts! Take the reindeer!”

* * * * *
I think Christmas should be a totally spontaneous thing. When I feel like doing and when I have the money, then it will be Christmas. It may happen in December. It may happen in April or August. When I’m in the mood to be generous and festive, we will have Christmas.

It’s not that I’m a humbug either. I like to be generous. I like to give gifts to people and make them happy. I just can’t stand the commercialism and hype at this time of the year. “The Holiday Season.” No. It’s a corporate greed driven stressful time of the year. It’s shitty. And I wish that there would be a law to take away any mention of Jesus at this time of the year because this is not the type of social environment that He would promote. Let it all be about Santa and elves and toys and trees and lights and all the rest. Let it all be as thin and worthless as tinsel. We already know it is.

Am I being a cynic or a realist? Is there a difference all the time?

Posted at 9:30 PM (EST)


(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. There is less hype over it. There is less commercialism, less pressure. Compared to other holidays it is as Sunday compared to Monday. It speaks of warmth, relaxation, peace, home. It is a humble holiday.

Posted at 11:05 PM (EST)

The Ride Home

(Originally posted on the website Continuum…)

Here are a few scenes from my ride home after work.


I like how the rays of the sun appear to be about to “beam up” the car in the middle lane. This was taken on Route 78 near Clinton.


Of course “packing tape should not be used for painful practical jokes!” DUCT TAPE works much better! This was taken while I was getting gas at a Hess station.

Posted at 9:45 PM (EST)