Browse Category: My Favorites

Real Men Sew

(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

Real men sew…

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… with DUCT TAPE! Oh yeah!

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SOMEBODY’s got to sew the kid’s name on the back of his jersey. It might as well be me who bloodies their fingers.

I used a needle and thread in addition to the tape. Taping is definitely much easier than trying to get that thread through that tiny needle eye. (I was informed by one of the ladies at work that “embroidery” needles were the wrong ones and is probably part of the reason it took me 2 hours just to sew half of it last night.)

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I thought about leaving the tape on his shirt. That would convey a “real man” attitude when he’s on the field. “Whoa… watch out for #44! That kid’s messing with duct tape already!”

“Yeah, but I hear his granddaddy is a SEWER!” (Wait… that word looks like something else. Ew.)

DADIATOR

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(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

“Et tu Brute?”

“Desmond Tutu, Brute?”

“Nice tutu, Brute!”

So, here I am pictured in my stunt double outfit for the movie “300”. Let me tell you. Those helmets make your head sweat!

Okay. You’re smart enough to realize it’s a plastic helmet and I’m not much of a stuntman. But I am one heck of a trick or treater! (“treatOR” in Old Latin) Those Greeks in “300” may have marched through mountain passes and challenged the monstrous Persian army, but I, Samuelus Caesar, flew all the way to Georgia to confront my enemies. Well, sort of. My ex-wife was there. But I intimidated her with my red plumage and she left me alone. Thank Zeus! No tricks. Just treats. The treats of seeing my daughters and “Roming” around the neighborhood pillaging and plundering in a confectionary sort of way.

Over the past few years, my employment arrangements have become flexible enough to permit me to work while visiting my daughters. I was here last year and dressed up as a prisoner. The funniest part of that was when a little girl didn’t realize what I was and with wide eyes said, “Hello zebra!” as she and her father passed by me. Children are delightful and the things that come out of their mouths sometimes is happily revealing of their enviable simplicity. My youngest daughter, who is almost 12 now (what??), said that this year I was her “dad in plastic armor”! Where did she get that sense of humor? Hmm…

For trick or treating, I took command of a troop of four boys, three girls, and two other dads. One of the dads dressed up. The other didn’t. I court marshaled him for being out of uniform while on patrol in enemy territory. A few of the boys were dressed as football players. Two girls looked like gypsies or something. My daughter was a cat. (My other daughter was a rock star, but too cool to hang with us. She went with her 13-year-old friends in a different housing development.)

The people in Georgia, or at least in this part of Georgia, participate in Halloween more than the folks back in New Jersey do. I don’t know if that is due to “Southern hospitality” or the warmer weather here or that I’ve just lived in the wrong parts of New Jersey. Down here there were people out having a grand time! Granted, we’ve already had frost back home and down here the people panic at the first chill breeze… while I’m sweating in short sleeves (and plastic armor)! Case in point: I am writing this while sitting in a coffee shop late in the afternoon. It’s over 70 degrees outside. They have a fireplace burning in here! I kid you not, soldier’s honor, cross my breastplate and hope to die, stick a javelin in my eye. Now I know why the Confederate Army lost the Civil War. They were cold!

The kids had a great time going door to door for candy. It was hard to keep up with them at times! With so many kids and parents out and about, it was hard to keep an eye on all the kids in our group. At times, one or two got lost in the melee and I nearly dispatched the other fathers on search missions. But I was able to keep the troops together and on course. However, after an hour, grumblings within the ranks began: “My feet hurt.” “My legs ache.” “I’m tired.” “I don’t want to walk anymore.” The terrain was quite hilly. But, in the tradition of Alexander the Great, Samuel the Awesome roused their loyalty and ambition, leading them home with their spoils in bulging pillow cases. Victory was sweet!

Now, as various and sundry pressing duties require my attention, I must sign-off.

“Ave et vale.”

“Caveat Emptor.”

I command thee to Google it if thou doth not understand.

“Ha ha.” (Latin for “laugh”)

TIME FLIES

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(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

TIME GOES BY SO QUICKLY. While I am still in summer mode, the air has begun to chill and some of the trees are changing color (note the photo on this page). Everything is still predominantly green. But there are touches of color here and there, kind of like the tufts of white hair that are noticeable in my beard as I’ve been growing it out lately. It’s not enough of a change to say, “That’s it. The season is over. It’s time for the gloom of winter.” It’s just enough to serve as a reminder that things don’t last forever.

Even though autumn is my favorite time of the year, it seems that I am becoming increasingly resistant to its onset, not willing to give up the hot, hazy, weekend afternoons, not eager to miss my daughters when they leave after summer break, not so readily comfortable with the inevitable changes which the passing of time brings. I want to stay in the sunshine a while longer. Keep the sun up until nine each night. And for heaven’s sake, let’s not change our clocks and rob ourselves of evening light this year!

I think my resistance to fall is indicative of my long existing dislike of change. Sameness is easy. Familiar is comfortable. Why go mucking about with life and making it difficult for yourself? Adjusting. Coping. Reorienting. Forgot all that! Status quo. Same old same old. Nice. Then again, with that mindset I never would have discovered how fantastic sushi is, or how gratifying spicy Thai food is, or how semi-tolerable pickles have become after hating them for 44 years. Yes, I’ve started to like them. Odd.

More significant than a dislike of change is my increasing anxiety aging, accompanied by a more noticeable denial of aging. Notice, I did not say “getting old”. There is no “old” in relation to myself in my mind. It’s just not right. It doesn’t fit. It’s a label and a condition that I refuse to take on. I am beyond the old Oil of Olay commercial slogan of “Grow old gracefully? I intend to fight it every step of the way!” I intend to ignore it and it will go away.

Guess what… my beard is turning gray. So are an increased number of hairs on my head. That’s not such a big deal. Unless you continually have a decreasing number of hairs on your head like I do! The fleeing hairs are causing the proportion of gray ones to advance too quickly. IT’S NOT FAIR!

Fairness and aging philosophies aside, the leaves are beginning to change and time is flying. It seems like it was just yesterday that my daughters were here on summer break. But it’s already been a month and a half since they left – the same as the total amount of time they spent here. They have already finished a full month of school. I am already making plans to go to Georgia to see them for Halloween, dressed as Big Bird, I might add. (No, not the whole way there, silly!)

I suspect that the days ahead, at least between now and the middle of December, are going to speed on by at an unyielding speed. The reason? I am back to school myself. I am back with a vengeance too! I am taking four classes. That is enough credits to be considered a full-time student. That is enough of a workload to be considered a full-time IDIOT! “I want to be SMART!” “Well, Mr. Snyder, that was a pretty DUMB thing to commit yourself to sitting in classrooms for 9 hours per week for 16 weeks AND an additional online course.” Hey! Ya know what? All the cool kids are doing it and I gave into the peer pressure. My daughter is enrolled full-time in online classes from the University of Phoenix. My son is enrolled full-time at the same school I’m at. And my brother is enrolled ULTRA-full-time in 6 classes! What? I’m supposed to do nothing but work full-time, be a dad, write, play music (now and then), read lots of books, do housework… and NOT go to school too? No, I want to be cool like the rest of them.

There are other factors making time zip by. And other reasons why I feel I’m getting old. Oops. I meant reasons why I’m suspicious that I MIGHT be “aging”, like an achingly painful shoulder problem that has been plaguing me for the entire month of September, and persistent asthma problems, and weight gain, etc. But we have plenty of time for me to write about those thrilling topics at a later date… like after I catch my breath (or not with asthma) after final exams in December. However, I’ll try to step out of the whirlwind now and then to write before time carries us that far.

Until we meet again… Be cool. Be at peace. Take time to smell the roses. Stay forever young.