(Originally posted on the website Heron Flight)

Don’t you dare arrive one minute sooner! We will charge you full day time price if you do!

What? You think $3.30 was a random number? No, owls are smart. And we had algebra in high school. You figure the 6% New Jersey sales tax and you’re gonna see it comes out to an even $3.50, man!

(Okay, Mr. Wise Owl, it comes to $3.498! If you got 8/10 of a penny, we’ll take it! If not, SHUT UP AND GIVE US $3.50!)

Now, go on and get out of here! It’s almost 8:30! At 8:31 our NITE VAMPIRE rates start. Then we really suck it out of you!

And by the way… NO WIPING! None of any sort! We are not going to wipe you! You are not going to wipe us! You are not even going to wipe yourself!

Owl’s don’t wipe, do they?