Sixty-Six

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The Sam Snyders, 2004

Today is my Dad’s birthday. He would have been 80 years old. He died 14 years ago when he was only 66. He has pancreatic cancer in that photo above. He was about 6 months into his ordeal at that point. You can see the ordeal in his thinning frame. I was 42 and alive as all hell in that photo. I’m coming up on 56 now. That’s only 10 years away from my father’s age at death. As my face ages, I see his face in the mirror more frequently. I look for hints of year 66 and the ordeal. I try to see through that to what I might be at 80. I want to make it that far. At least that far.

My youngest child is almost 2. I want to be in a photo with him when he is 42. That would make me 96. I want to be there for that photo and countless photos with all my children between now and then.

I haven’t fully thought this out, but I think my Dad’s passing at a relatively young age is part of what motivates me to run long distances. I want to be alive. I want to run through the woods and conquer all the mountains. I want to do it so I can keep on living. I want to be healthy, strong, and unstoppable.

Do I actually live this way every day? No. More often than not, I’m a lazy gluttonous slob. I’m my own worst enemy. My spirit is willing to live to 96, but my flesh is weak. It’s weak for cakes and pies and candy and potato chips. It’s so weak it can barely carry its own 223 pounds.

I need to snap out of it and lose 30 pounds. There are miles to be run and years to be lived. I need to get with the program. 66 is only 10 years away. It might sound morbid: my father’s death drives me. I am ever trying to outrun my own death. If I keep moving fast enough, maybe the cancer won’t be able to catch up to my pancreas.

Yet, even as I write this, all I can think about is a cake that’s sitting in our kitchen. I won’t lie. I’m going to eat some as soon as I publish this. Then I’m going to bed. “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake, blame it all on that cake.”

Other posts about my Dad:

The Elephant in the Spare Room

I was going through a box of keepsakes in the spare room and found an enveloped marked, “Daddy Snyder.”

Inside as an elephant from my daughter, Hannah. The elephant must be at least 15 years old. It warmed my heart to find him.

Hannah is a full-grown artist now. She does wonderful work! See her artwork at Hannah Henson Creative. Follow her on Instagram too: @hannahhensoncreative.

Je suis Charlie

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Remembering the victims of the Charlie Hebdo massacre:

Frédéric Boisseau, Franck Brinsolaro, Jean Cabut, Elsa Cayat, Stéphane Charbonnier, Philippe Honoré, Bernard Maris, Ahmed Merabet, Mustapha Ourrad, Michel Renaud, Bernard Verlhac (Tignous), Georges Wolinski.

I urge you to read Open Letter: On Blasphemy, Islamophobia, and the True Enemies of Free Expression by Charb (Stéphane Charbonnier).

Criticizing a religion is not racist.

Criticizing religious zealots and terrorists is not racist.

Islam itself is not a problem.

People who want to silence others are the problem.

People who want to kill others in the name of a religion are the problem, be that religion Islam or Christianity or Judaism or vegetarianism.

(The above drawing is my response to an attack at an exhibit featuring cartoons of Muhammed. More information can be found at this Wikipedia page.)

Written By Some Perverty Bum

On the back of a pew in the balcony of a church

While I was walking up the stairs, though, all of a sudden I thought I was going to puke again. Only, I didn’t. I sat down for a second, and then I felt better. But while I was sitting down, I saw something that drove me crazy. Somebody’d written “Fuck you” on the wall. It drove me damn near crazy. I thought how Phoebe and all the other little kids would see it, and how they’d wonder what the hell it meant, and then finally some dirty kid would tell them – all cockeyed, naturally – what it meant, and how they’d all think about it and maybe even worry about it for a couple of days. I kept wanting to kill whoever’d written it I figured it was some perverty bum that’d sneaked in the school late at night to take a leak or something and then wrote it on the wall. I kept picturing myself catching him at it, and how I’d smash his head on the stone steps till he was good and goddam dead and bloody. But I knew, too, I wouldn’t have the guts to do it. That made me even more depressed. I hardly had the guts to rub it off the wall with my hand, if you want to know the truth. I was afraid some teacher would catch me rubbing it off and would think I’d written it. But I rubbed it out anyway, finally.
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I went down by a different staircase, and I saw another “Fuck you” on the wall. I tried to rub it off with my hand again, but this one was scratched on, with a knife or something. It wouldn’t come off. It’s hopeless, anyway. If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn’t rub out even half the “Fuck you” signs in the world. It’s impossible.
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I was the only one left in the tomb then. I sort of like it, in a way. It was so nice and peaceful. Then, all of a sudden, you’d never guess what I saw on the wall. Another “Fuck you.” It was written with a read crayon or something, right under the glass part of the wall, under the stones.

That’s the whole trouble. You can’t ever find a place that’s nice and peaceful, because there isn’t any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you’re not looking, somebody’ll sneak up and write “Fuck you” right under your nose. Try it sometime. I think even, if I ever die, and they stick me in a cemetery, and I have a tombstone and all, it’ll say “Holden Caulfield” on it, and then what year I was born and what year I died, and then right under that it’ll say “Fuck you.” I’m positive, in fact.

Holden Caulfield in “The Catcher in the Rye,” Chapter 25

Boulder Beast 2018: The Road to Hell is Paved

Here are some photos from the Boulder Beast trail race in Lock Haven, PA (September 22, 2018).

Traversing the boulder field was great fun and not as easy as one might expect. It’s a lot more significant in person than it appears to be from a distance. I wish I had taken more photos, especially through the middle section of the race. But that’s the section where I could only focus on moving ahead to get to the end. I was under prepared, overweight, and running with spasms in my quads most of the way, except, of course, when I was going up those long steep hills, stopping to lean on trees every 10 yards. There was no running then, only spasms.

On one of those hills between mile 11 and 16, I swore to myself this would be the one and only time I did this race. I doubled up on the swearing that night as my legs seized over and over. But as I spotted Rote Overlook high up on the mountain as I headed back to New Jersey on I-80 the next day, I recalled how stunning that view was and I began to miss that course already. Yes, it was damn hard. Yes, I was fairly miserable for long stretches. So what?

Now I have a new goal: get back to Lock Haven next September and do better!

By the way, the first 3 miles of the course are on paved roads, hence the title of this post.

Milling about waiting for the start as the sun came up. Note the boulder field on the mountain to the left.
#352 (Not sure who to give credit to. This was on the Boulder Beast Facebook page.)
A few miles into the woods
Arriving at the boulder field
Going up
Almost to the top
Photo by Michael McNeil
Photo by Michael McNeil
Photo by Michael McNeil

=> Click here to see more photos by Michael McNeil. <=

The view over Lock Haven
The view over Lock Haven
Somewhere after mile 8
The Goat Path
Looking down on the mile 11 aid station from the Goat Path
One of MANY streams. Your feet will get wet on this course!
Not sure where I was at this point
Approaching the mile 16 aid station
The fire road after the mile 16 aid station. I ate a jelly donut while walking this. It was the most amazing thing I ever tasted.
Rote Overlook around mile 19

Forcing a smile with cramps in my thighs
Somewhere near the mile 21 aid station
“The Green Mile” – the paved road at the beginning and end of the course. The boulder field is visible on the mountain.
The Course